A Hiss and a Byword

A hiss and a byword among women. 
I have been labelled.
I have been described as an enemy.
I have been thought of as wicked.

A hiss and a byword among women. 
My intentions have been assumed, 
Yet all I yearned for was to help. I didn't.
That effort later stabs me in the back.

A hiss and a byword among women. 
I have been avoided.
I am the subject of hushed conversations.
The rumors more important than my truth.

A hiss and a byword among women. 
I am approached with fraudulent smiles,
Or perhaps they are smiles of pity.
Regardless, the dishonesty stains them.

A hiss and a byword among women. 
An assumption their silence provides safety,
For them? For me? I can't tell.
But it's all just lies. There is no safety in it.

A hiss and a byword among women. 
They think they know me,
Or that they don't need to know me.
But without talking to me, they cannot know.

A hiss and a byword among women. 
Some have thrown stones.
And some have refused to catch them.
It feels the same.

I am weary of the anger 
I am weary of the unrighteous judgement.
I am weary of the lies in the silence.
I am a hiss and a byword among women.

I am weary of betrayal.

I am weary of weaponized shame.

I am weary of the failure to apologize.

I am a hiss and a byword among men.

But I am more than a hiss and a byword to Him.