A while ago someone asked me if I would feel supported and at peace if I could walk into a room at church full of people wearing rainbow pins. I said no. The reason I said no is because I have never personally identified with the symbol of the rainbow, and I have no desire to associate with all the politics involved.
However, the question has been on my mind ever since it was introduced to me. Would I feel more comfortable, and at peace, walking into a different room full of people holding a subtle sign that they do not judge? On the one hand, 9 times out of 10 it would be irrelevant for me because the subject of my sexual orientation probably wouldn’t come up with 9 out of the 10 people in the room since I’m not that big on large group social interactions, and I wouldn’t get to know most of them well enough for the subject to ever come up. Also, ideally in the church setting, you should be able to assume you’re surrounded by people who won’t judge you by the things that make you different because… yknow… everyone there should have the goal of being Christlike, right?
But on the other hand, I think the fact of the matter is, people aren’t perfect, and they are not always Christlike. And I think a lot of people (including myself) could benefit from being able to walk into a room feeling like there was a large sign on every heart that said “We love you, we do not shame you, I am comfortable with who you are” Although, again, I wish that a sign wasn’t necessary. Because there are SO MANY THINGS that can cause people to walk into a room and self consciously wonder “if they knew this about me, would they still love me?” And we can’t expect people to wear signs for all of them. I’ve seen people afraid to admit they have tattoos. I’ve attended a meeting for families of people who struggle with addiction and felt afraid and ashamed to admit I had my own experiences with addiction. I’ve seen people unwilling to admit they were divorced. I’ve been afraid to admit I was abused. And yes, I’ve felt that way about admitting my attraction to women. There are SO MANY THINGS we can be afraid to talk about.
However, in the sense, that the rainbow has come to symbolize the wide diversity within the LGBTQ community… That is something I can relate to. Even in the LGBTQ community I feel like a misfit, and I can appreciate the idea that the rainbow is meant to be inclusive of all types of people on every end of the spectrum. And I can relate to the desire for the rainbow flag to be intended as a symbol that creates unity. Ideally I think it should create unity not just among the LGBTQ community, but among everyone, as a symbol of acceptance of all differences.
On the subject of gay pride… I wonder if for me, it is important to redefine how I define “pride.” When looking at the various definitions for the word, these are the two definitions that come to mind when I think of the word “pride”
- a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
- The quality or state of being proud; inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one's own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, rank etc., which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve and often contempt of others.
Thus why my gut reaction is to shy away from the term “gay pride” because being gay is not an accomplishment or skill, nor is it something that should cause people to be haughty, boastful or arrogant (nor should it be cause for shame). However, when looking up the definitions of pride. I found two other definitions that I find much more fitting in this context.
- A feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people
- Confidence and self-respect as expressed by members of a group, typically one that has been socially marginalized, on the basis of their shared identity, culture, and experience.
These definitions give me an odd sense of peace. And I wish I had connected them to the concept of “gay pride” a long time ago. Finding confidence and self-respect after acknowledging my sexuality was an important moment in my life that I am forever grateful for, that I would hope everyone could have.
And back to the thought that being in a room full of people wearing a rainbow pin might or might not be especially impactful for me, because I no longer harbor any shame on the subject…I may not feel like I need the approval of others… but that doesn’t mean I do not appreciate support. Also, I have to remember the reason why I “came out” in the first place. I shared my story for 3 reasons, to take away the power of it being a “secret,” to allow me to feel like I was able to be authentic at all times, and to provide others out there with a safe place they could turn if they needed to talk to someone. In effect, I think the rainbow symbol very succinctly accomplishes all of those things. And maybe I would talk to more than 1 out of the 10 people in that room, if one of THEM felt like they could come talk to ME because a symbol made them feel safe to do so. And that is worth everything.
