Funerals

I went to my friend Jelly's mother's funeral yesterday. Though, since it's only 1 in the morning, it feels like today. Before the funeral, I tried to tell myself that it wouldn't affect me. I really didn't know Vanessa very well, but I have known her since I was a little girl. It's been atleast 10 years now I suppose, probably more like 12 or 13.

I'll never forget playing hide and seek with Vanessa, who was blind... I hid in the dryer. She found every one else in the house but me. It made everyone smile and laugh when I popped out. Only Emily would do something like hide in the dryer.

I don't cry easily when people die. I guess for the most part I tell myself it's okay, because I'll see them again. But I suppose from experience I have started to learn something about myself. It just takes a little time.

When my Grandmother died on my father's side, I was visiting my friend's house in Idaho. My cell phone had died, and I didn't figure anyone would be trying to get ahold of me in the first few days after leaving Texas, so I wasn't worried about charging it. My sister Kathy found my friend on Facebook and sent her a message. Lindy told me I needed to call my sister... which scared me to death because I couldn't think of any possible reason why she would be telling me this. I plugged in my phone and listened to all the many voicemails left on my phone in the last two days, before calling my sister. When all the talking was done, Lindy came up to me and gave me a hug, then asked if I was going to be okay. I said yes. She asked if I was certain, I wasn't going to meltdown on her. I thought I would be fine.

My grandmother and I were not close... to make it the understatement of the century. I don't remember the last time she spoke directly to me actually. I didn't think it would affect me. But lo and behold, many hours later when the whole house was asleep, it hit me and I cried. It's not that I missed her, because there really wasn't anything to miss... but she was family. And that meant that I loved her even if I never felt like she loved me back. Or believed in me.

I cried at Vanessa's funeral. It's not that we were close... Because like I said, I didn't know her all that well... but she was a wonderful woman. She knew the gospel was true with every single fiber in her being. And everyone knew it. She could make you smile just by saying your name or greeting you with a smile. She always made everyone feel special. She had the most beautiful spirit I will ever know. She touched everyone she met. And I believe everyone loved her that knew her even the slightest bit. And she loved everyone right back.