Studies Abroad

One of my dear friends has gone on two study abroads. One of which was a few years ago, when she was just the age that I am now, and that was to London. Most recently however, she returned from Jerusalem. To hear her talk about that land--the land where Jesus walked--is extremely powerful. Even listening to her is life changing. I won't go into detail, because that's her story to tell, not mine... but one of our other roommates has also taken trips to London and such places.

It's one of the things they have in common. While I love hearing Ann talk about London and Jerusalem, the moment our other roommate pipes in, I have to admit, I start to tune out. Because I know that the moment they both start talking about their experiences in foreign lands I will have nothing to say, and I am entirely cut out of the conversation.

In the last five years of my life, my family has become an extremely international family. With relatives in Brazil and India, there are more visits and stories and than you can possibly imagine. Let alone the "famous family trip" of 1985 that I of course didn't go on, because I wasn't alive. I've never been the one to go. I could go on for hours telling you the stories that come from my family going abroad... but they're not my stories.

When Michael started sending letters detailing the love he has for the Australian people... I admit, I was jealous. I've always known that I have a great capacity for love. Whenever I take one of those color tests, I always test blue. No matter what the code is. I always test blue. Blue for empathy, loyalty, intimacy, all that. I know that if I were ever to live in a foreign country, I would gain that love for the people. It's something I've always desperately wanted to have. How can I appreciate America, how can I have the patriotism I am told to cherish, when I have never been anywhere but here? I have always wanted to be able to have experiences that allow for a perspective of that greater picture of the world.

I want to love the people of some land. I've always wanted to go to Ireland, see Stone Henge, walk across the streets of London, look into the eyes of a Hindu woman in India, taste the food of Jamaica... I know I'm an impressionable person, and I want the impression of those lands in my soul. I want to walk the Earth. I want to have experiences.

I want some land to change my heart, my soul.
I would desperately love to go on Study Abroad.
I would desperately love to take a tour of those beautiful foreign lands, and see the mountains of Tibet, of Tuva, see the home of the Dalai Lama... Hear the voices of God's children across the Earth. I know it would change me forever. And I'm so ready for a change.

Whatever that change may be.

Learning by the Spirit

There are two types of learners. There are those that learn by what their teacher tells them, and there are those that learn by the spirit. If you learn only by the words of the teacher it is possible for you to come to a lesson and learn absolutely nothing, because the teacher does not know more than you do.

But if you allow your teacher to instead be the Spirit, you can learn great and powerful lessons from even the most humble and weak of teachers. Someone made a comment to me a few years ago that when people stand up and pray at the beginning of class "Please bless the teacher that the spirit will guide their words that we may learn" or any variation thereof... it is a useless prayer. What good does the teacher having the spirit do, if the students are not listening? What good does the spirit guiding the teacher's words do, if the students hearts and minds are unresponsive?

So instead, I've been recommended an alternate prayer. "Please bless us as the students, that we may be able to learn by the spirit."

I think it's an important principle we would all do well to remember. Similar to the sentiment that you only get as much out of an activity or relationship, as you put into it.

Teaching

Well I taught 5th graders for the first time today. I admit I was intimidated at first. But once I stepped into the classroom I was set and determined. I felt confident and ready. The lesson admittedly didn't go all that well, but since I only prepared it like a few hours before class because I found out this morning that we had prepared a lesson for the wrong week. But I was cool and confident the whole time. And I had a really good time actually. I'm pretty sure I'm going to grow to love those kids.

I came home actually wanting to be a teacher again. All of a sudden I remembered how much children can touch your heart and teach you as you're attempting to teach them. It makes me want to do all that I can to tailor my lessons to these kids and make a difference in their lives even though I'm only seeing them once a week.

I think things will go much better in future weeks when I actually have a lesson plan ahead of time, haha. And more time to teach, which we will have next week. I need to find out what the other half of my group taught after my team was done teaching though.

Anyway... it actually makes me want to consider actually becoming a teacher again. Full degree and all of that. Although I don't think a masters will ever appeal to me.

Rexburg In the Summer

I told Ann the other day that if I found a job in Rexburg, I would be willing to consider staying for the summer. While part of me is desperate to be home when Michael gets home... I really am concerned that it would put too much pressure on the two of us. Especially him during that time of transition just barely getting off the mission. I really feel like it would be healthier for him if I wasn't there when he got home. I think it would make the transition a whole lot easier. Even though I know it would kill me to be here, knowing I had chosen to be here rather than there with him.

I really don't know what to do. And the idea of having a job scares me out of my mind. As the unknown does to most people. Anyway... I really haven't decided yet. It's only January. I wouldn't need to really worry about needing to buy my ticket home until more like March... but of course Job hunting would begin much sooner than that.

I do love Rexburg summers.
But I also love Texas in the Spring.

But if I did get a job, I'd be more productive than I have been any other time at home.

Word

One of the most important things to me in a person, is their ability to keep their word. If you tell me we're going to hang out, I take you seriously. If you tell me you'll do the assignment, I take you seriously. If you tell me you'll call, I take you seriously.

I think of all the times I've ever been hurt or disappointed, it's usually because someone went back on their word. I suppose this stems from the importance I place on trust. And when people go back against their word, I have problems trusting them.

I do want to trust people. But sometimes people make it hard for them to be trusted.

Garden Tomb

One of my friends spoke to me recently about the Garden Tomb.

The image that came to my mind... is standing in that Tomb, seeing it empty and bare. I think for once in my life I understood some small portion of how Mary must have felt coming to the tomb and finding it empty, devoid of the body of Christ.

And the question that came to my mind was "What if there was no Christ?" What if that tomb was just a barren room. What if he really and truly had been gone?

And this thought... just made me cry. I'm not sure how strong a testimony I have had in my life of Christ, and the Atonement... I believe in them, of course... but I just don't know how firm an imprint they have left on my heart. But considering the idea of not having a Savior really touched me. Even if there are so many more things I should be doing to rely on Christ, I still cannot imagine a world without Him. What is this life without Christ?

Christ Lives.
I only wish that with this knowledge, I can do my best to open my heart to his gospel and make any and all necessary changes in my life to better facilitate having the Spirit in my life.

Rexburg 2011

Where I live this year!

Pita Pit

On another note, Ann and I went to Pita Pit yesterday and I actually really enjoyed it. I think I will have to make several more visits to this land of food in the coming weeks and months!

And currently... I am craving chowder. I am going to make chowder on Monday I think. Because Monday is the day I will go shopping, and I will get all the necessary ingredients and make CHOWDER! And it better be amazing, or I will be so sad.

Cabin Fever

I'm pretty sure I need to find some excuse or another to get out of my house more often than I currently am. I will go crazy if the only things I ever do are go to school, come home, and occasionally go to the grocery store. Pretty sure I've been more irritable than necessary lately. Of course there's always the option that it's the thyroid stuff coming back with irritability coming back as one of it's stupid systems... but for now we're going to completely ignore that option! Haha.

I think I'll have to start going off-grid like I have in previous semesters. On the BRIGHT side.... (get ready!) ..... (you're not ready!!)

RAD starts this week!!! That will be such a happy day. RAD always puts me in the best of moods. And it will mean that I'm leaving the house to do something I absolutely love, twice a week!! Isn't that so happy? =) Matthew always told me last year that I needed some hobby that allowed me to vent energy. And I told him I had RAD! Hahaha.. Except last year RAD wasn't quite enough. Probably in part because they screwed up the schedule so many times that half the time I couldn't go because I didn't know when it was being held that week. Dumb, I know.

Anyway, for now, I'm still on my 4 day weekend. Though Monday after I go shopping I'll probably have to pull out the homework. As much as I hate to admit it.

PS! Chuck returns on Tuesday. Yet another thing that will light up my life! haha

V peace V

Zodiac Signs

I'm kind of a big fan of this whole Sidereel Zodiac thing.
http://www.syracuse.com/have-you-heard/index.ssf/2011/01/did_your_zodiac_sign_change_ce.html

According to the sidereel zodiac I am now a LIBRA! But according to the western zodiac I am still a Scorpio. I love scorpio of course and I still feel I possess many of the characteristics that is described for Scorpios. But when I read Libra I think I connect EQUALLY as much and probably more.

You can be the decider.... which do you think is more Emily? Or which characteristics would you select for me from each? ^_^

http://www.astrology-online.com/scorpio.htm
http://www.astrology-online.com/libra.htm

Of Letters

I finally got a letter from Michael today. It seems like it's been so long. I was really starting to have a hard time with it. Not like all the time or anything, just when it came to mind... and sometimes I just felt sad without really being able to understand why. I really was not feeling all that well a few days ago and I couldn't pinpoint it... But the last day or two I think I started putting together the pieces. And I knew it wasn't anything personal... you know... It was just cuz he knew I had changed addresses and he didn't know my address yet. And apparently they decided to hold off many many weeks or months worth of my mail or something! Ridiculous. So when he made a trip to Adelaide he got a great big stack. I'm glad. I was starting to worry what was happening to the letters I was sending because I felt like a lot of his letters for the past while had hints of "What are you up to?" and "Haven't heard from you in a while" and "I hope you've been doing well" kind of comments... And I felt bad! Even though it obviously wasn't my fault he wasn't getting my letters.

And I missed him. Hearing from him. His handwriting. The spirit of him and the Lord that comes with each of his letters.

I was getting ready today to talk dear friend and roommate, Ann, today and have a small whining session about it, and possibly cry... and then I got my letter! And it made me happy.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm nervous for when he comes back. I got into my class that I needed to graduate this semester, and so the plan is to go home in April which would mean I'd be home when Michael gets back... but it's a little scary, ya know? And my Ann friend has brought up staying in Rexburg with her in the spring more than once. And I'm not gonna lie, it's tempting. For one, I love Ann. For two, I do love Rexburg summers. And for three, part of me thinks maybe it would be a more natural reunion with Michael to see him a little later so it's not like this immediate thing within a week of him getting home... Like time would take away some of the pressure that's built up. I really can't explain how I feel either way, but I am nervous.

It feels like time is beginning to shrink. In the long term sense at least. Each individual week at school still seems to take an eternity.

Anyway... yeah.. there's my life =)

Privacy

I think everyone knows that I'm really not that private of a person. I like being as open as I can... so far as I believe I can trust a person. And I hate that society today might dictate me having to make precautions like this but I just decided that no matter how personal what I put up here may or may not be... there are some people I'd just rather not have access.

Now I'm just hoping I don't get approached by anyone I didn't give permissions to... that I'd rather not give that permission to... because I really don't know how prepared I am to deal with that.

Movies

My taste in movies is eclectic. And to some extent... it's not something that anyone can really understand. I like your average movies... chick flicks, comedies, action, drama, whatever. But every now and then I go for a good depressing movie. I believe it gives me a wider perspective on life. Every life takes a different path, and some may seem more glamorous than others, but I think it's important to realize that every life has its trials. And each trial is tailored to you. So no matter the trial we face, we can make it work out.

A movie can be happy or sad. Sometimes both. And happy movies are wonderful things. I love the state of mind you're in after a really good happy movie. Give you hope. But how much thought does it inspire? When I watch a sad movie, (and I do use "sad" as a very weak and vague term in order to refer to a wide variety of movies such as tragedies, abuse stories, etc) ... I am forced to think. I finish that movie and I wonder, "What if it was me?" "How would I react to a situation like that?" "Would I react as well, or as poorly, or better?" "How am I the same? How am I different?" I think about the emotional turmoil and what must be going through the characters heads. I want to connect with them. On many levels, I do connect with them... and that is important to me.

If a movies doesn't make you think... it was just a fluff piece, used to fill up your time. And that's okay. But sometimes... you should pick a movie that will make you think.