Loving Yourself

Now, this is a subject I've probably touched on before... but I think it's at least been a year or two so it's okay if I touch on it again. Besides, I think it's an important thing to talk about.

We talk a lot about loving others. We talk a lot about putting others before yourself. We talk a lot about being charitable and grateful. However, I think that a lot of those qualities are dependent on another quality. I pose the following question:

"How can you love someone else, if you do not first learn how to love yourself?"

No, I'm not talking about having everyone learn how to be vain. However, I think that someone who does not love themselves cannot be mentally healthy enough to fully love those around them. This might be a difficult concept for me to describe... hm hmm...

Well, when I was in middle school I became extremely self conscious about how I looked. I entered that phase where I thought everyone was judging me all the time (and everyone was going to notice that zit on my face. I'm sure you recall the feeling). It certainly didn't do wonders for my self esteem which was already in a pretty broken state at the time. I realized however, that the people I thought were the most beautiful and magnetic were those that held their head high. You could feel the self confidence emanating from them and it made them prettier than they otherwise might have been.

This might seem silly but I decided that I wanted to have that quality. So I made a goal to look myself in the mirror every day and say "You are beautiful. I am beautiful." I certainly didn't believe it, so don't think it was some act of vanity (hah). I certainly felt a little silly talking to myself in the mirror. But by saying it every day for a while, it taught me several lessons. For one thing, it boosted my spirit and self confidence. Hearing the words, and forcing myself to describe myself in that way improved my own self image. And because I had a better image about myself I was able to view the world in a different way. I didn't have to worry what others thought about me anymore, because I didn't care. I loved myself each day, so I didn't need to feel accepted by anybody else but me. It allowed me to listen to others, without worrying what they were thinking about me.

Not a perfect analogy to what I'm trying to say about loving yourself, but I think it's a step in the right direction to depicting the principle. I guess to summarize... I don't think you can fully love others before you're able to love yourself. It's kind of like that line in the scriptures that says (and I paraphrase), if you then being imperfect are able to give good gifts, imagine the gifts your Father in Heaven can give. Attempting to show others love without first understanding how to love and forgive ourselves is putting a limitation on the love we will be able to demonstrate for others. And why would we ever want to limit the amount of love we can give to others?

I don't feel like I've fully illustrated the principle I'm trying to depict... I feel like it makes more sense when I say it out loud. But I hope some of you are able to feel some of the importance I feel about this subject. I don't think we can reach our own potential as Children of God before we are able to love ourselves. One of the qualities listed in the Doctrine and Covenants of those that reach the Celestial Kingdom of Heaven is that they are able to see as God sees. I think that part of learning to love yourself is learning to see yourself as God sees you. Imagine what a blessing that would be!? And if we could see ourselves in that light, when we seem to judge ourselves more harshly than we would anyone else... imagine how we would then be able to treat others, viewing them as God sees them also! So you see, I don't mean for us to love ourselves in a selfish way... but in a way that would provide us with the skills we need to improve our interactions with the people in our lives.

If there was ever a universal goal we all should make... I think it should be to add loving ourselves to our list of talents.

My Idea of Christmas

Christmas to me is not complete without a few things.

Every Christmas needs a Christmas tree with lights and presents. Even if those presents are fake decorative presents... you just need something pretty underneath the tree. When I think of Christmas I think of little kids anxiously waiting for that long awaited morning. Christmas never seems as magical without a gaggle of kids standing at the top of the stairwell at 5am, waiting to wake up all the adults in the house so the presents can be opened. Christmas is best when I'm sitting next to my mommy kissing her cheek.

No matter how old you are I think you should always get a toy for Christmas. No matter how much you want that outfit, or picture frame or other adult-ly objects... everyone needs a toy to play with on Christmas day. And of course, Christmas can't be complete without hot apple cider and hot cocoa (although not to be enjoyed at the same time, obviously). I look forward to waking up on Christmas morning and eating my hot oatmeal for breakfast. Because when I was a kid my mom's rule was that you had to endure oatmeal for breakfast, and then you could eat whatever you wanted the rest of the day long. It taught us that good things were worth sacrificing for, since we all hated oatmeal. Haha. It's why I don't understand the concept of "Christmas Dinner" because after our oatmeal we didn't eat anything but chocolate and other assorted goodies all day long (brownies and fudge and divinity... Christmas can't be complete without divinity)!

Neither is Christmas complete without chocolate cordial cherries. Because it's one of the few candies my father really likes. So we always had a box of them on Christmas. Growing up in my house, you knew Christmas time hadn't started until the red boxes had arrived in the mail, because my uncle always sent boxes of candies and nuts and cheeses and things for Christmas. They went straight into the fridge, not to be opened until Christmas morning.

Let's see... every year we found an orange and a dime in the bottom of our stockings. It's based on some tradition because old people back down our family line had the same tradition. But apparently it was more exciting back then because oranges were a delicacy or something and dimes were worth a lot more back then haha. I never liked oranges, so mine usually sat at the bottom of my stocking, sometimes found the next year all nasty and green. But I'm going to start a new tradition with my family. CHOCOLATE oranges at the bottom of your stocking, and maybe even a quarter (we have to account for inflation, you know). Much better than real oranges. Chocolate oranges are the best.

On Christmas Eve we always got to open one present. But you always knew what that present was going to be. Every year we got new pajamas. When we were little sometimes mom made them by hand and made them match in cute little ways. One year we all looked like little elves. But usually they were just new pajamas so we'd look cute on Christmas morning. I like that tradition a lot. New pajamas are the best.

Yep, there's a little picture of what Christmas is like for me.

Of Sunshine and Daffodils

This evening I am in a cheery mood. Usually my cheery moods are reserved for day time, so it's a peculiar evening I suppose! I guess I have a lot on my mind, and so I don't feel like going to bed, which would of course, be ever so boring.

I feel like I have so very much to be grateful for right now. For one, the semester is over and I'm finally beginning to feel free from its grasp. What could be better than that, right? Except I also get to look forward to going HOME to TEXAS and seeing my FAMILY! And those who know me, know that what that really means is taking lots of pictures... especially with my mommy and my nephews and nieces, since they're my favorite. Not much makes me happier in this world than taking [good] pictures with people that I love doing fun, happy, sun-shiney things. And if I'm lucky the sun will still exist in Texas this time of year, unlike in Rexburg!

On top of both of those wonderful things, I have a friend. It's been a really long time since I've had a friend in Rexburg that I could play with. And now, I have a friend. And she is wonderful to me, and we have long conversations and we hug, and we smile and we laugh and we cry and it's great. She is a wonderful reminder to me that God loves me individually, which is of course, another thing in my life that I am eternally grateful for... The Lord and his ever redeeming love.

Plus.... (I know, so many things, right!?) in less than a month I find out if I'm having a girl or a boy. I think that will be the point when I feel ready to start spending money on baby things. It'll feel much more real to me when I can attach a gender to the invisible, supposed "it" in my belly.

Life is on the ups.
I'm looking forward to many things, but I'm able to enjoy today as well... which is by far one of the greatest blessings we can have in life, in my opinion.

Heaven-like

On Wednesday we had our very last class of Doctrine & Covenants. The reading assignment for that day was D&C 76... which is an incredibly long section, let me just tell you. Anyway, my teacher was explaining that a lot of people out there think that we believe only Mormons get into heaven, and that we're pretty exclusive in our beliefs to think that way. However, my teacher made the point that our view of heaven allows alot more people into heaven than the traditional view.

We believe in three separate kingdoms of heaven.
The telestial -those that receive not the gospel of Christ, and do not deny the Holy Ghost
The terrestrial -those that receive not the gospel of Christ, but are honorable men
The celestial -just men made perfect through Christ

We believe that all children who die before the age of 8 make it into the highest (the Celestial) level of heaven. And those that died without the gospel but would have accepted it had they received it, and those that are baptized and go through one of the Lord's holy temples will achieve that Celestial glory. Which is where people get the idea that we think only Mormons get into heaven. But Joseph Smith said that if we could glimpse even the lowest degree of heaven (the telestial), we would kill ourselves just to get there. God loves his children and he wants us all to be happy. He loves us so much that he is willing to design a plan, where we can all attain peace and happiness, even if we don't choose to follow Him. Only those that know and fully understand the truth, and willingly choose to defy the Holy Ghost, and fight against Christ get stuck in "outer darkness", or hell.

Contrast that to the more traditional views of heaven and hell, where people who believe in Christ go to heaven, and people who don't believe in Christ go to hell.

But on another note, there was something else that stood out to me more. Verse 94, of section 76 gives a line describing those that attain the Celestial glory: "they see as they are seen, and know as they are known, having received of his fulness and of his grace"

I believe this emphasizes the importance of viewing others, and ourselves, the way Christ sees us. Christ would have us love others the way he loves them. He would have us love ourselves, and see the potential we have to do good. Imagine all the hurt and despair that would be gone from the world if we would only open our eyes to the beautiful potential of everyone within our grasp--if we did not limit ourselves or others.

People ask, how could God let this happen to me? God believes in agency. We each have the opportunity to choose for ourselves. If you think about it that way... I don't think that many of us would choose to sacrifice our freedom of choice, to be protected from bad things. Don't you think God would prefer that we all loved each other as much as he does? Don't you think he would prefer that none of us chose to hurt others? But like I pointed out, losing our agency is not worth losing all negative experiences. We're on this earth to grow, to experience sadness and joy. Would you really want to get to heaven and look back on your life and see that you never learned what sadness was? How disappointing would that be, to not understand half of the human experience? Let alone the fact, that I don't believe you can experience joy without being able to distinguish it from sadness.

I'm grateful for my experiences, no matter how much of a burden they may seem. They bless my life in ways I will forever be grateful for.