So, on May 28th (in theory of course) I'm supposed to be due for a baby boy. It's a bit of an odd concept really. My body is certainly bigger. I'm certainly not as flexible as I once was. And I do see my tummy tumbling like there's something inside rolling around in there. Fortunately for me, when he gets super excited about kicking, he seems to prefer the right side of my stomach, so I don't get kicked in the ribs very often, which is nice.
But it's still my body, ya know? I have a hard time conceiving of the idea that a little baby will come out and have expectations that I will hold it somewhere other than inside the womb! Something that is currently part of me but one day won't be? I mean let's just be honest here--that's weird! It's not like I look down at my hand and think to myself "One day, you won't be apart of me, but someone else," right!? Well, it's almost the same thing looking down at your stomach and thinking "One day the reason why you're huge, will be a separate being from myself." Yep. That's weird. Some days it feels like my stomach will just always look this way, and it will never change. It was just some new progression in life, like going through puberty. But that's weird because then you have to wonder... well... why would I just plain be huge forever? That's silly, and it would be oh so lame.
People always ask how I'm doing, and I guess I'm doing fine. I try to drink lots of liquids, remember my prenatals, and occasionally eat something besides chocolate. Hah, just kidding =p haha.
And I guess the other question people always ask is "Are you excited?" Which I think is kind of a weird question. Kind of like when you get married and people ask, "How's married life?" and even if marriage life sucked, you'd have no choice but to respond "Oh it's good," because otherwise it'd be awkward, right? I think it's more of a secret test to see if you'll mess up and talk about your marital issues with someone other than your husband, since everyone knows you're not supposed to do that. What a weird society we live in. Anyway, to answer the question "Are you excited?" I guess my response is, that for once in my life, I seem to be enjoying the present moment. I'm content with feeling the kicks, and watching my stomach grow, and if I'm content with meeting the kid when it's time to cross that bridge, then life will be good. That's not to say that on occasion I don't look over at our crib or the car seat or the stroller and imagine some cute little scene playing out in the future... but that's beside the point. And let's be honest, who doesn't want to see Michael hold a baby? Tender.
Right now what I'm most excited for is moving into our new apartment. I've kind of been feeling lately like I need a fresh start, and moving in and rearranging furniture and finding a place for everything always makes you feel like your life is in the right place when you're done. When you finish, you feel like not only is your house in order, but your life is too. My manager at work has asked me several times during the course of my pregnancy if I have started "nesting" yet. Apparently lots of women get obsessed with cleaning shortly before the baby comes? Anyway, I think moving into the new apartment will fulfill my nesting responsibilities and will just plain help me feel fresh and ready for something new. I've told Michael that we'll need to buy a dresser because the closets in the two bedroom apartments here are ridiculously small. They barely hold my clothes, let alone allowing for Michael and I to share a closet. I'm not sure how people manage. And there's nothing like real furniture to make you feel grown up and ready for kids.
Lately I've just been trying to focus on the logistics. I'm definitely beginning to feel the need for maternity clothes. One of my friends recently gave birth, and managed to wear her normal clothes her entire pregnancy. So I was crossing my fingers I could be just like her. But I'm not sure that wish is going to come true. The other big thing on my mind is how much time I'm going to take off work. Of course it's complicated by the fact that Michael is looking for internships, and whatever kind of work schedule he ends up having will effect the kind of work schedule I can have. Part of me has a hard time imagining taking a lot of time off work and spending so much time at home... but part of me realizes that I might want to just stay home lol. I'm also having to look at adjusting my school schedule because I can't just stop working permanently right now... and I can't do work, and be a full time student, and be a full time mom. I don't think the three combined are even possible. So... yep, the planning of the future is a complicated process at the moment. But we did get our insurance all sorted out. I know how much we'll end up spending on delivery of the baby, and I'm supposed to get my Medicaid insurance card sometime this week. So at least some things are figured out.
Anyway, that should be enough details to satisfy any curiosity you might have had about my pregnancy experience, haha. Hope you're all having a wonderful life!
1 comment:
That was a lot of satisfying information indeed...and yes- Michael holding a baby is a tender thought indeed. I think in the past him holding a baby has been a rather awkward experience, but when I try to visualize him holding his own child- now that is tender and priceless!
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