Recently, an apostle from my faith gave a speech to the faculty, staff and administration at Brigham Young University, a church owned school. Within this talk, he referenced this issue of Same-Sex Attraction and our church's belief in marriage between a man and wife. While speaking of this subject, the metaphor of "musket fire" was used when describing the defense of this belief. Many in the LGBTQ+ community, and allies within the church have taken issue with the metaphor. I had absolutely no intention of blogging on this topic when this talk was first brought to my attention, not thinking that I had anything unique I could add to this issue. However, because more than one person has come to me asking about my perspective, and I have had new thoughts percolating about this all week long, and every time I re-read or listen to the speech... I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I have a few things I can add to this topic.
I, myself experience same-sex attraction. I'm not a big fan of labels, but push come to shove, I would describe myself as gay. I am married to a man. I love my husband, and though it's not always easy, I would never wish away my children, the love that he, and they extend to me, or the things I have learned or the ways I have grown in this relationship. That said, I admit that some things would be easier if I could be with a woman instead.
If you have not yet done so, I implore you to listen to the talk for yourself here. Listen from beginning to end. Now, I would like to walk through a few things in Elder Holland's speech that stood out to me. Keeping in mind of course that I do not speak for Elder Holland or the church. I am one person, and I can only speak for myself. First, a few things that I believe set the scene well and are important to keep in mind.
Who was the intended audience for this speech? Faculty, staff and administration. However, to quote Elder Holland, he says "Regardless of your job description, I am going to speak to all of you as teachers because at BYU that is what all of us are. Thank you for being faithful role models in that regard."
How does Elder Holland define success at BYU? "The real successes at BYU are the personal experiences that thousands here have had, personal experiences difficult to document or categorize or list. Nevertheless, these are so powerful in their impact on the heart and mind that they have changed us forever."
What is the shared objective for teachers at BYU? “The Lord’s call [to those of us who serve at BYU] is a . . . call to create learning experiences of unprecedented depth, quality and impact. . . . As good as BYU is and has been, this is a call to do [better]. It is . . . a call to educate many more students, to more . . . effectively help them become true disciples of Jesus Christ, to prepare them to . . . lead in their families, in the Church, in their [professions, and] in a world filled with commotion."
What exactly did Elder Holland say about musket fire? (Again, you should listen to the whole speech, but the following is the introduction to what was said.) Quoting Elder Dallin H. Oaks, who was quoting Elder Maxwell, the following was shared "'In a way[,] [Latter-day Saint] scholars at BYU and elsewhere are a little bit like the builders of the temple in Nauvoo, who worked with a trowel in one hand and a musket in the other. Today scholars building the temple of learning must also pause on occasion to defend the kingdom. I personally think,' Elder Maxwell went on to say, 'this is one of the reasons the Lord established and maintains this university. The dual role of builder and defender is unique and ongoing. I am grateful we have scholars today who can handle, as it were, both trowels and muskets.' Then Elder Oaks said challengingly, 'I would like to hear a little more musket fire from this temple of learning.' He said this in a way that could have applied to a host of topics in various departments, but the one he specifically mentioned was the doctrine of the family and defending marriage as the union of a man and a woman."
What is the context for this metaphor? In the 1840's when building the Nauvoo temple, Anti-mormons were actively trying to drive the Mormons out of the area. The members had already been driven out of their prior homes before coming to Illinois. There were almost ritual attacks on families as homes, farm buildings and food supplies became victims of arson. Saints were sometimes found hiding in public buildings, fearing for their lives should they stay in their own homes. You can imagine that they were equally afraid of reprisal in the form of attack upon the very building they were working so hard to build (the temple). Church leadership requested help from the Governor of Illinois and received some. But it was eventually decided that there was such a crisis that they would be unable to help any further, and the church agreed to leave Nauvoo. Even still, militia still approached the city and engaged the saints in battle. The saints ended up leaving the Nauvoo Temple unfinished, abandoning much of their property, homes and belongings. It should be pointed out, that when push came to shove, the saints were not instructed to make a stand, pull out their guns and defeat their enemies so that the temple could be finished at all costs. They were instructed to withdraw to prevent further conflict. Violence is not a tenet we are asked to endorse.
When were these members called upon to use their muskets? When they were under attack. No where in history will you find record of the prophet and leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, calling for its members to arm themselves with muskets and actively attack and seek out war with those that disagree with the teachings of the church. We have always been set to the default setting to defend only.
Why were those muskets fired? To defend their lives and their religion.
What does this mean for the context of this metaphor when used in Elder Holland's speech? Simply stated, we are being asked to defend our lives and our religion. Key word here being the word "defend." And until I feel like my very life is what is being threatened, I think the main focus here lies in defending my beliefs. This begs the question, how are members expected to be a "builder and defender," today? What does musket fire sound like today? I would argue, that on a day-to-day basis, what it sounds like, is the bearing of testimony. There is no violence threatened when I say "I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, and God the Father and the Holy Ghost." There is no violence threatened when I say "I have a testimony that there is a prophet on this earth today and that he leads and guides the church." There is no violence threatened when I say "I have a testimony that marriage between a man and a woman is central to God's plan." Nor is any violence threatened when I say "I have a testimony that we are all children of God, and he loves us all." For some, maybe musket fire also sounds like standing up in their local communities and courtrooms to affect laws and regulations surrounding religious freedoms... but for most of us, I think it's just a matter of bearing testimony.
Why was this important when addressing the teachers and staff at BYU? To me, it sounds like this was specifically brought up as a reaction to anecdotes of teachers at the school using their position as teachers at BYU, to advocate for a break from the doctrines of the church centering around the family. If you think back to the objective for teachers at BYU, you will remember that the goal is to prepare their students to "lead in their families, in the Church, in their professions and in a world filled with commotion." As a leader in the church, presumably assigned to speak by the president of our church, speaking to a room full of people who are being paid through means of tithes from the members of the church, I do not think it unreasonable that Elder Holland request the teachers to uphold their calling to be defenders of the doctrines of the church. Now, I definitely think that talking about these issues is something that DEFINITELY must be done in order to achieve that objective. However, I side with Elder Holland, in that I think that "there are better ways to move toward crucially important goals in these very difficult matters — ways that show empathy and understanding for everyone while maintaining loyalty to prophetic leadership and devotion to revealed doctrine."
Why is the symbol of "musket fire" so hurtful? This is one of those areas where I think the failing being called out here, is the culture often found in the church, and not the doctrines of the church. Are there gay members of the church who are/were terrified to come out as gay? Yes. Are there gay members of the church who have faced harassment, abuse, neglect, and hatred from members of the church? Yes. Are there gay members of the church who have been abandoned by their families for living the gay lifestyle, and acting on those feelings? Yes. Are there gays (members of the church, and non-members alike) who have experienced physical, emotional, and mental attacks, leaving them bloody and bruised, broken or dead at the hands of members and non-members alike simply because of their sexual orientation? Yes. Are there gay members who are confused about their place in the church, and feel alone, displaced, and different? YES. I think hearing the words "musket fire" can be emotionally triggering. I think it can be scary. I think it implies violence, and confrontation, which is something we all want to avoid. I think it implies war, which implies that there are two sides, enemies fighting against one another. I think none of us wants to be at war. I think none of us wants to be targeted. I think we all want to be accepted as who we are. As Elder Holland said, "a house divided against itself... cannot stand." As Elder Holland said "'friendly fire' is a tragedy" and while he was specifically speaking to the teachers, and therefore referenced friendly fire being aimed at the church and its leaders... I can tell you that what I have witnessed in reaction to this speech can also be defined as "friendly fire." When I see members attacking each other for their beliefs, I am saddened and hurt. Instead of merely defending our beliefs by holding true to our testimony, I have witnessed people lashing out and attacking not only the leaders of the church, but also each other. And that saddens me. Lashing out rarely results in changed behavior, or an increase of love... which I think is what we're hoping for here. We all hope for changed behavior, and an increase in love.
Does the church approve of hate crimes? Absolutely not. Let me share the following quote:
"We join our voice with others in unreserved condemnation of acts of cruelty or attempts to belittle or mock any group or individual that is different – whether those differences arise from race, religion, mental challenges, social status, sexual orientation or for any other reason. Such actions simply have no place in our society.
This Church has felt the bitter sting of persecution and marginalization early in our history, when we were too few in numbers to adequately protect ourselves and when society’s leaders often seemed disinclined to help. Our parents, young adults, teens and children should therefore, of all people, be especially sensitive to the vulnerable in society and be willing to speak out against bullying or intimidation whenever it occurs, including unkindness toward those who are attracted to others of the same sex. This is particularly so in our own Latter-day Saint congregations. Each Latter-day Saint family and individual should carefully consider whether their attitudes and actions toward others properly reflect Jesus Christ’s second great commandment - to love one another." Michael Otterson
It may also be worth your time to review the following links
Religious Freedom and Fairness for All
Love Motivated Policy Changes Toward LGBT Parents & Children
How can we stop the hurt? If you ask me, there are a lot of members of the church that seriously need to repent. Never, in all my years of attending church, have I ever walked away with the feeling that I should ever treat people poorly who believed or behaved differently than we do. If one of my children came out as gay and at some future date began dating someone of the same gender, I would never ever consider barring them from my home, or refusing to acknowledge their partner, or treating them any different. And I would never expect any pressure from the church to engage in any behavior with my child that was anything less than loving. And people who engage in anything less than love toward their neighbor, need to repent. We NEED to talk about hard issues. We NEED to feel safe at church. We NEED to feel like it's okay to be vulnerable. We NEED to make church a place where it is safe to be vulnerable, safe to be ourselves, safe to be different, safe to be imperfect, safe to be sad, and even safe to be angry. But in order to do that, we need people to STEP UP, and be more loving, and vulnerable and be examples of Christ-like love.
How can we stop being hurt? Sometimes we can’t. We can’t delete the emotions we feel as a reaction to things seen, heard or perceived around us. However, we can then decide what to do with that hurt. My friends and family love me, and I know that. And I think knowing that means they sometimes watch their tongue around me. But in moments before people knew that I was attracted to girls, I heard many of them mutter disparaging things, make snide comments, inappropriate jokes, make stupid assumptions, etc regarding the LGBTQ community. And yeah, it hurt. I think the important thing when stuff like that happens though is to identify those faults as being the faults of individuals, and not necessarily the organization they belong to. My husband's favorite quote is one by Brigham Young:
“He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.”
The most influential moments of my life, have been ones where I realized that the most powerful thing I could do, was to accept myself. Accepting myself has made a far bigger difference in my life than finding the acceptance of others will ever do for me. And certainly, finding the acceptance of others can aid us in the journey of accepting ourselves... but it is certainly not a pre-requisite, nor is it a guarantee. Plenty of people have loved me even when I could do nothing but hate myself.
The culture that creates fear of sharing our authentic selves with others, needs to change. The divisiveness needs to dissipate. As Elder Holland said, "we do all look forward to the day when we can 'beat our swords into plowshares, and [our] spears into pruning hooks,' and at least on this subject, 'learn war [no] more.'" Elder Holland is asking us to defend our beliefs, but what he hopes for more than anything else is that we will learn to love each other so completely that we can see beyond our differences and stop fighting so that there is no need for defense. I am ready to feel safety in speaking my vulnerable truths. And I think the only way we can do that is to make a little musket fire when we have been fired upon. We should all accept the call to bear our testimony. And honestly, sometimes the best way to bear testimony, is to love without saying anything at all.
As Elder Holland said, "Christ never once withheld His love from anyone, but He also never once said to anyone, 'Because I love you, you are exempt from keeping my commandments.' We are tasked with trying to strike that same sensitive, demanding balance in our lives." Many have failed to achieve that balance. However, I think most of us have failed in that regard, in one category or another. We do not have to agree with each other on all things in order to love one another. We should all accept the challenge to become teachers, and teach one another to interact with each other with Christ-like love. As Elder Holland defined, success for each of us as “teachers” looks like helping those around us have positive impactful experiences. May we find ways to stop being afraid to be ourselves, and may we find ways to make ourselves a little (or a lot) more loving.
