Prayer

Some of you may be familiar with an old movie called "The Other Side of Heaven." It's honestly been a long time since I've seen it, but I believe it's one of those movies filled with moments that stick with you. One such moment is when this missionary and his companion are on a sailboat of sorts, and there is no wind, leaving them stuck and not heading for their intended destination. The missionary stops to pray for a "tail wind" which leads one of his companions on the boat to advise him that he needs to revise his prayers. The man asks the missionary to consider others on the same ocean who may be trying to get to a different destination than they are, and that a tail wind would hinder them. Instead, he advises, the missionary should pray for a "good wind." And that, perhaps silly as it may sound, has always stuck with me. Obviously God can work around such small syntax differences. But I believe that it is good practice for us to consider whether our desires in prayer are ones that will benefit others and not just ourselves, and whether they could pose any harm.

Michael and I had a conversation about this recently, and he recounted a story of an eager mission companion, bouncing with enthusiasm, who once asked him "How do you pray?" as though this was the most exciting question he could ask, and the answer would be just as exciting. On the surface, this might seem like a simple question, but delving into it, I believe the answers to this question can very greatly, and I do think that there is something very intimate in understanding the differences in how people pray. The way Michael talks to Heavenly Father in his personal prayers is certainly different than how I do. And that is because his relationship is different, his personality is different, the way his brain works is different, his faith is different, and the foundation for his testimony is different. But most importantly, what he does works for him. So don't consider my thoughts on this to be prescriptive, only my perspective. We're all different and that's okay.

One thing we believe, is that God can do all things, and our prayers will be answered so long as they are in line with God's will. To me, that indicates that I should strive to pray for things that are in line with God's will or that will help me be in line with God's will. Only problem with that of course is that sometimes we don't know what God's will is regarding the direction of our lives. (There's more that could be said here, but that's a deeper subject.) One way to deal with that is by just telling God "I know this is what I want, but thy will be done." There's a certain amount of humility involved in that if it is sincere. 

One thing thing I think should be pointed out though, is that it is not wrong to tell God about things that you want or feel that may not be in line with His will. I can have a conversation with a close friend about frustrations I feel, or problems in my life, and how I might wish they would be solved, but I disclose those things without any expectation for them to do anything about it. I disclose those things out of a comfort and sense of security in our relationship. I disclose things to share vulnerability, break down walls whether they be mine or theirs, and to release the tension of keeping those things bottled up. But again, not expecting that friend to fix things. Stereotypically, prayers include a list of things we are thankful for, and a list of things we want God to do for us. But I believe what is sometimes forgotten, is what can happen in between. In between those things, are when we can just tell God how we feel, what we think, and what we hope. And it's okay to share things that make us imperfect. Honestly, I think it's the most important moment. Because if God isn't someone I am willing to be vulnerable with, then who is He to me? Not much, I'll tell you that.

If I am praying earnestly, then my prayer starts with the intention of listening to the Holy Ghost, and letting Him guide my thoughts and words. Perhaps the umbrella I'm starting with is "what am I thankful for?" If I'm not listening to Him, then this section can very easily become rote. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for my home. If I'm being purposeful in this moment, and waiting for the Holy Ghost to prompt me, then this section could include any number of things. Things I need to remember that I am thankful for, or should be thankful for, and not just the blatantly obvious. Not that that list can't include the blatantly obvious, because obviously those are things I am thankful for 😛 The list is just longer and more unique. After that, I hope to take the time to be vulnerable. To share my feelings, my experiences, my desires, my doubts. And again, if I am attending to the Holy Ghost, then sometimes things come to mind here that I hadn't already realized I was thinking/feeling, and I can gain a certain sense of self-awareness I lacked before I started. But this is the time for word-vomit. And I try not to judge how organized my thoughts are, because if I believe God to be who I believe Him to be, then, He understands me even through broken thoughts and unorganized sentences. It's after that, that I can once again stop, and slowly strive to listen to the Holy Ghost guide me to the questions I need to ask. How do I believe God can help me, what blessings can/should I ask for, what actions should I take? This is the part that I need to be able to say "what I am praying for is in line with God's will." and "what I am praying for will cause no harm to others." And obviously, my prayers are not necessarily that neat and tidy: Section 1, Section 2, Section 3. Sometimes I go back and forth, and they intermingle.

I will never claim to be perfect in prayer. I am not consistent, and I am sometimes resistant. A lot of that has to do with other things I need to change in my life. But what I believe about prayer, when I am spiritually prepared to do so, is that prayer should lead me to a place where I feel God's love. And not because I am doing all the things I should be doing, but because I am seeking to receive Him, to allow Him to affect all the things I am doing. That desire to make our lives be in line with His will means far more than our lives simply being in line with His will by accident.