Well, to be honest I've been rather depressed lately. With Paula and Michael gone, and Krista busy with her own school life, I feel terribly out of the loop.. and I feel like I can never talk to people when I do see them online, because my first assumption is that they are doing homework and can't be disturbed.. so I never end up talking to anyone really.. I've made a couple connections in the singles ward, but there will forever be a gap considering they're all much older than me.. the only girl I feel like I get along well with.. I don't want to spend much time with her.. because while she seems to be an active LDS member, her goals and values are a little mixed up.. and I don't want to be influenced by that.
I don't have anything to do really.. because I'm not taking any classes, and I don't have a job.. so I did atleast sign up for 2 institute classes this week.. so I have reason to get out of the house every once in a while for an hour or two.. but a couple hours out of the week doesn't feel like much.
To top that off I've already by depressed for ages about not being able to start packing up and moving off to college with everybody else.. and when I actually do leave, in December.. was supposed to be something to look forward to.. I had it all planned out how it would work great for me.. Paula gets back on the 20th, and I would leave on the 28th so that I had a whole week to find time to spend with her, and I could slowly meander my way up to Idaho, hitting the old family tourist spots along the way.. and be able to spend a couple days in Utah seeing the family, before I had to be in Idaho to move into my dorm..
However, Jeff and Elessandra decided that they wanted to go up to Utah with us, so they could get their baby blessed with Grandpa Fish, and hit all the tourist spots they wanted to hit.. And of course, they want to do it on their schedule not mine. They want to leave way before Christmas and preferably before Paula even gets back from Utah, which on that they will not get their way atleast... on that I am not budging. I won't leave before seeing Paula. The whole purpose of my trip up to Idaho was so that Mom and Dad could move me in to my dorm.. which under Jeff and Elessandra's plan won't happen because they want to be back home, before I'm even able to move in, so that they wont miss any days of school. They would prefer it if we didn't even do any touristing on the way up, and just hit all the sights on the way home, which means I don't get to do any of it. Jeff has decided to be utterly cocky about the whole thing, and proclaim that I'm tagging along on his trip, instead of the other way around. It's my trip, that's all there is to it. They wouldn't have even considered going up to Utah if I wasn't already making the trip. But since he thinks it's his trip, he thinks he can make any change to the plans he wants, and have every thing go his way. He doesn't even think I should care about seeing Paula before I go, and that I should just get over it. I also don't think it's fair that Jeff and Elessandra want to go up to have mom and dad and Grandpa be there for their baby blessing.. but they're not allowing mom and dad to be there for Kathy's baby blessing the first sunday of January. Completely unfair. I think that if Jeff and Elessandra really want to come with us on my trip, that they should be willing to make a sacrifice and miss two days of school, since I'm having to make plenty of sacrifices on this trip too. Besides the fact that I do believe Kathy wanted us to be up there in January long before the idea of Jeff and Elessandra coming with us was ever mentioned.. she certainly should have seniority rights..
At this point I really wish I could just be flown up, and not have to deal with it or him any more. I've stopped caring about the touristing, and the entire trip, because it was supposed to be something to look forward to: my last family vacation, where I could relive childhood memories, with just mom and dad. However, since that's not even happening.. and all the stress of trying to making plans work.. I simply dread the whole trip all together. Entirely and seriously.
I've even considered asking to go live with someone for the rest of the semester so that I could fulfill my urge to pack up like everyone else. However, if I did that I'd be doing even less than I do at home.. which is nothing.. alot of nothing.
I keep wanting to work on a project, like scrap booking, or journaling.. but I don't feel like I can do either.. I need money to buy paper and order pictures for scrapbooking, and I don't have the money to do that.. or I don't feel like I do.. And I want to scan the pages of old journals for my journaling project.. but our scanner doesn't work right now.. so I can't do that either..
And so.. I wait.. and do nothing..
You have no idea how simply frustrated and restricted and misunderstood I feel.
3 comments:
Call me anytime. Well, anytime I'm not in class. You can check my schedule on facebook if you'd like. I want to help you with your boredom and I just like to talk to people that actually know me. These guys I'm getting to know are nice, but I'd like to talk to people I know well sometimes too. =)
Bummer. My "fatherly" advice would be to put finding a little job at the top of your list. I know that's easier said than done, but it sounds like getting out of the house would help out tons.
For what it's worth...
Dear Em, From your big sis. Thanks for your moral support! You can come stay with me, if you want:) There's always work to be done here- I'm getting too big to do the dishes:) Dishes is your favorite job, right? Please don't stress on my account. I've had to deal with lots worse disappointment in life than a missed baby blessing. I'll be content if Mom and Dad get to hold this baby while he's still a baby. I know I'm being sweet, but that's my job as big sis. (Yours is to stick out your tongue; I taught that trick to you, after all:) Love, K
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