My Love for A Cockatiel

Camille is going to make it. But not with me. I cried last night... I couldn't go ten minutes without crying. Ann held me for a while and let me cry with her there, and talked to me a little about it. I needed her more than anything at that moment, and she was there for me. I prayed for strength to pull through this... And I prayed for Camille to have strength.

I finally fell asleep last night... and did not dream of Camille. I dreamed of other things. And every time I woke up my mind would start to wonder to thoughts of her, and I stopped myself because I sensed that it would be best if I did not think of her just then.

I finally woke up about 4:41 and my nose was too stuffy to breathe through, so I'd been breathing through my mouth and my throat was dry. So I went downstairs to get a glass of water and to take a Mucinex. I went up stairs and crawled back into bed and fell asleep once more.

This time, I dreamed of Camille. There was some kind of big event going on, and a big scary looking man came and took our parakeets and Camille. Said we didn't need them anymore. I kept looking for that man so I could get Camille back from him. When I finally found him, all he had was two grocery bags, one in each hand.... and I knew they were my birds. I don't remember the conversation we had but I think he was going to do something to them, and I didn't want that to happen... and he ended up agreeing with my alternative. He handed me the bag with the parakeets in it, and I threw it toward a pile of rocks. That way I knew their death was certain and they were not suffering any longer. He handed me the bag that had Camille in it and I just started crying. I lifted the bag up to my eyes to look for any sign of her body to see her just one last time... and poking out through the folds of a thin piece of cloth that she was wrapped in inside the bag, was her beak. I could see it moving and I shouted for joy. I pulled and tore at the bag as it opened and I pulled out Camille. Her beak opened in her biggest smile and she chirped for me. Her wings outstretched in the most glorious way possible and she looked magnificent. She looked beautiful and strong. And my heart was full of joy.

I awoke just then with a feeling of peace in my heart. I knew when I called Brenda this morning that there wouldn't be good news, but I just know that Camille is going to live. She will finish out her magnificent life with someone else... but I will see her again.

When I talked to Brenda, she said that Camille can barely walk. The vet thinks an organ has swelled against the nerves that go to her legs. Which most likely means her liver or her kidney. But she can still fly just fine, even if she cannot land. And that tells me, she has the strength to live. She will survive any surgery that vet gives to her. She will be wonderful, and I know that she will always remember me.

Brenda put the phone next to Camille so I could talk to her one last time. I heard her weak chirp. I admit I started crying, and I might cry several more times during the day... but I will be okay. Brenda's going to take a picture of her. I'm not sure I want to see her as she is now. I might not open the email, so I can remember her the way I always have.

I'm going to do something in honor of Camille. Whether it's make a pillow and embroider something on it just for her, or write a poem, or both.... But Camille deserves anything I can do. Anything and more.