Meant to Be

I haven't known where I was supposed to be. I ended up deciding on Rexburg because it was practical, and because it had some pros riding along with it... like it being the place where Michael will be this semester. Really though, I haven't felt very comfortable in my own skin. I haven't felt for certain that this was really where I was supposed to be. Going to Kenya still weighs heavily on my mind and I feel such a strong pull to go.

But for now at least... I can tell you that Rexburg is where I need to be. I can't really explain it to you. It's been a collective of small things. Things like the fact that my ward here is the Rexburg YSA 2nd ward.... and my home ward in Texas used to be the Austin 2nd ward before its name changed. I know it seems silly, but it seems like a small little message to me that for now this can be home.

I don't know how long I'm supposed to be here... I don't know how long this is supposed to be home. Part of me still feels like I'll find a job, save up some money, and still find a way to get to Kenya this semester. I feel like my whole life revolves around finding a way to get myself to Kenya. I wish I could explain it.

I just have this image in my mind of that orphanage I was accepted to volunteer at... and the children there. I love them already and I haven't even met them yet.