Rexburg

I'm back in Rexburg. Have been for a few days now. Went on a boating/camping trip with my new ward this weekend and it was really fun. I think it will prove to be a good ward. Certainly different than any other singles ward I've been to in Idaho, but it'll be good. I already have a nickname: "Del Taco" or "Taco Time" depending on who you ask. There's a girl in the ward named Kaitlyn, and everyone thinks we look like twins. Most people in the ward spent most of the weekend trying to tell the two of us apart. And her nickname is Taco Bell, so of course my nickname had to be related.

I'm different now than I used to be. I don't know if anyone really sees it. But something just clicked in me. I can't stop thinking about Kenya. Every time I see one of those ads about starving African children, I can't help but wish I was there. The feeling reminds me of colorguard... but stronger. Once you join colorguard, it's always in your blood. Always. You see an object and you size it up... and you wonder where it's center of balance is. Where would be the best place for you to place your hand to begin spinning it. Doesn't matter if it's a flag, a rifle, a sabre, or a broom stick. It's there. You want to spin things. It's in your heart. Always. Even if you let it go, as something you do all the time... it's still there in the heart. It changes you. And wanting to go to Kenya changed me. I can't explain it really. But I really do want to go.

I'm sitting here in Rexburg, and I'm so glad to be back. Rexburg has come to feel like home to me. I am home when I come to Rexburg. I realize that especially now that I've spent a summer in Provo. Somewhere that was neither Texas, or Idaho. It wasn't home. I enjoyed my time in Provo, don't get me wrong... but it will never feel like home the way Austin and Rexburg do to me.

And yet, even while I'm here--home--in Rexburg... something still isn't sitting right. I'll feel better once Michael gets here I know. But part of me still wants to know if I'm really meant to be here in Rexburg right now. I can tell my whole heart's not in it right now. And maybe that will change once Michael gets here, and I get a job, and begin to get into the habits of every day living again... but maybe it won't until I'm able to do whatever it is I'm supposed to do. I really only have two things on my mind. And one of them, is Kenya.