Personal Aspirations

Well, my last post was talking about goals. But it was in pretty general terms. So it's time I turned that on myself. I'm not really sure how to approach this topic to be honest. I think it's extremely important for your emotional and spiritual well being that you don't remain stagnant in life. And to be honest, I'm probably best described as someone who stagnates and then sprints a quarter mile before returning to stagnation. It's a round I repeat through. Not that that's a good thing, or something I should accept, but it's what has been true nonetheless.

I've been thinking a lot about how to jump start my life again. I got home late last night and was thinking about this. And I thought, well, I should start immediately. And of course I thought, no... it's late, I'll start tomorrow, not today. But that's the same thought I've had more than one night. And spiritual changes don't come about through procrastination. So even though it was late I decided to make sure I started working on my goals then and there.

I have always thought that journal writing was important for me. For one, I've always loved being able to look back on the memories I have recorded in my journals throughout the years. I've had my ups and downs when it comes to journal writing though. Setting aside all the talk from the prophets about journal writing and why it's important (and their reasons are all true)... For me personally... writing in my journal is a release. It's a friend that can always be there. It's something that always listens, and always understands. And it helps organize my thoughts in preparation for prayer. So that's there's an awful lot of reasons why I need to write in my journal every day.

I've always struggled with giving personal prayers. The moments I've been successful are powerful memories filled with tears, relief, joy, Godly sorrow, and love. And wouldn't it be wonderful to receive those experiences every day? I think so. It's one thing to pray every night... it's another thing to commune every night and day.

Reading scriptures is one of those building blocks. Without it I think our foundation becomes incredibly shaky. Satan's very good at spiritual Jenga. And I don't know about you, but I'm trying not to fall down. Reading scriptures used to be really hard for me growing up because I just hated re-reading books. I've gotten better with that in the last five years or so in my life I think. But that doesn't mean I'm a perfect scripture reader either, just that I've gotten better about re-reading books. I think my favorite semester here at college (reading scriptures wise) was my first semester. I read my scriptures twice a day. In the mornings I read for twenty minutes just going straight through. And at night I would just flip to a random page and read until I felt I had learned something that applied to what I was feeling at the time. That was extremely effective for me. It gave me the opportunity to feel like I was doing the study we're encouraged to do, and read through the scriptures... but it also gave me the opportunity to feel like God was speaking to me through the scriptures and aiding me in my life. That's something I'd like to reinstate in my daily routine.

Testimony. What to say about testimony. It wasn't until sometime during my freshman year of high school that I really felt like I gained a testimony. And I suppose in some respects my method wasn't very traditional. I began researching the other big religions out there. I began considering their doctrines and how they would affect my life. I found a lot of truths and a lot of peace in the doctrines of other religions. I started reading the Torah, the Quran, the Bhagavad Gita. And they are wonderful books. I thought the Catholic idea of selecting a Saint at Confirmation was fascinating. But the more I researched other religions, the stronger my impression was that I was meant to be in the very same religion I had been born into. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was meant to be mormon. That was true. It still is true.

Now that doesn't mean I didn't fall after that realization. That doesn't mean I didn't have to gain my testimony again and again after that. But that's the moment I think of when I think of gaining a testimony. I remember a time in my life when I thought... Yes. I could leave the church. That's a choice I have. I don't have to abide by its precepts. I don't have to do anything. And in that moment I realized something like those witnesses of the Book of Mormon that ended up leaving the church... I realized that no matter what... that if I left the church, I would do so knowing that it was true. I realized that my testimony had become something that couldn't be lost merely by a desire to stray. And that was an important moment in the foundation of my testimony as well. I think the key for me... is not just knowing that I have a testimony, but I have to be applying it to my life at all times. If I haven't applied it to my life that very day, then I can't bear testimony. And that's something I need to do more often.

Gratitude. My life is just like everybody else's. It's had ups and its had downs. My trials are my own trials just as your trials are yours. And every trial affects us personally. I think some people don't realize that there are some trials we never "get over" and the idea that someone expects me to just get over certain things in my life is honestly infuriating. But that doesn't mean we dwell on them. That doesn't mean we feel ungrateful for them. That doesn't mean we don't learn from them, or bless others through them. I don't really think trials make you stronger. I think that if you can apply your testimony to your trials, that your testimony makes you stronger. Hopefully that makes sense. Anyway... my thing here, is that I want to feel more gratitude in my heart. I remember a time sitting in my bed at home as a teenager realizing that I was just overcome with a sense of gratitude. And that sense of gratitude is what spurred me to share my testimony so often. It was feeling grateful that made me want to share that feeling with others. And gratitude in my opinion is the best remedy for sadness, depression, fear. Gratitude is like a wonderful cure all.

Finally, I would like to scatter sunshine. What is gratitude, what is testimony, what is prayer, if I am not helping someone else feel better every day? If I can't make someone else smile, feel loved and cherished... what am I doing? That is by far the thing that gives me the greatest sense of purpose in my life. I love it when someone calls me in the middle of the night because they knew I wouldn't mind. They knew I would rather talk to them all night, or drive over to their house because they needed me. There are few things so powerful as the knowledge that you have been able to love someone well enough that they trust you to love them when they feel vulnerable. That' one of my strongest priorities in life and I have got to improve. I need to spread that sense of gratitude, testimony, and joy every day. I need to make someone smile every day. And it doesn't help that making someone else smile usually makes me smile too. I'm pretty sure God didn't send me to Earth to make anyone feel burdened or saddened.

Anyway... I won't go into the specific details of my goals like I talked about in my last post. I think for now just sharing the topics will do. But those are my goals. It's about becoming a better me. It's not about it being a new year. It's about feeling the impression that I needed to work on things, and then acting on it. It's about reminding myself all the time to work on those things. I'm pretty sure those will pretty much be the subject of my goals for the rest of my life... maybe plus a few more just to mix it up, but you get the idea. So I guess you can feel free to call me out if what you're witnessing in my behavior doesn't match up to one of these goals. Because I need to be honest with myself and others, and I need others to be honest with me too.

Here's to friendship, growth and faith.
Love ya'll!