Crossed Paths

I remember in college, feeling very sad that I kept making friends with amazing, sweet, compassionate people. The issue was not the friends that I was making, but rather in that these relationships never seemed to last. I came to the realization that I was often put in the lives of those around me, because I was needed. But as soon as the reason for being needed ended, the relationships seemed to fade every time. Once people no longer need me, they stop seeking me out as a friend. That made me sad. It made me feel disposable. In some ways it made me want to give up on making friends or caring about people. You could say I have some mild abandonment issues ;)

Now, to provide a little backdrop, in my church, members have the option, if desired, to receive a blessing from a priesthood Patriarch, that provides personalized revelation and insight for your life. This blessing is written down and recorded for posterity so that you can reference it for guidance and comfort throughout your life. It's considered sacred and personal, and you're encouraged to keep it private. This isn't because it contains big secrets or anything like that. To me, the reason for that is because you are the only one that is primarily entitled to receive revelation for your own life, and allowing others to read it gives them the opportunity to interpret guidance only you are meant to interpret and apply to your life. That ability to interpret and apply your patriarchal blessing to your life comes as you listen to promptings from the Holy Ghost. And sometimes I can read a line, and get something out of it, but read it again years later and take something entirely different from it. And that's okay because I needed different guidance at different times. So keep that in mind as I share this next part.

Reading through my patriarchal blessing in college, I came across several lines that mentioned my friends and acquaintances, and those stood out at the time of course, because I was feeling sad about friends. One specific phrase regarding these friends and acquaintances was that they would "cross [my] path" which stood out, and put the ensuing lines about my ability to affect their lives into context. In reality, it's not like this felt like new information. As I already said, I had realized that I was put into people's lives for a reason. In some ways it made me feel even more sad, because it felt like further acknowledgement that people would continue to only "cross" my life, and not stay in it. You might say I'm putting too much stock into a single phrase, but it's how I felt at the time, and you can't argue with how I felt. But eventually I came to the conclusion that I would take solace in being able to be an instrument for good, no matter the timeline. And that I couldn't allow the length of time that people stayed in my life to cheapen the worth of having them at all. 

And so, when prompted to love people, I love fast, and I love hard if they'll let me (and if prompted), because I never know how long I'll be able to love them for and I can't waste what time I have. Now, granted, I get to love them as long as I want, whether they still need me to or not. And that love is still there, should they decide that they need me again. And I want those people to feel certain in my willingness to be there for them in any way I can. Every now and then it still means that I feel a little sad when I make a new friend, and there's a grieving process that happens, because it's hard not to feel like I'm "waiting for the other shoe to drop," wondering how long it will be before they'll stop needing me. 

But time and time again, I take solace in Ecclesiastes 3:1, 

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven

There will always be value in loving others, and being there for people in their time of need, and allowing people to love you in your own times of need, regardless of the length of the season. There is value to having purpose in people's lives. And the lessons you learn from those people last a lifetime. And the memories you hold onto can last a lifetime too. And you never know when you might find someone that will stay in your life, and not just cross your path. And we simply can't live life waiting for the other shoe to drop, or worried about what tomorrow will bring. All we can do, is live and love today to the best of our ability.