Burdens Carried

Sorry it's been a while yet. Lately I've been dwelling on things I keep close to the vest.. So I haven't necessarily known what to say to this audience necessarily. I prolly still don't, but wanted to post something if for no other reason than to release some anxiety by writing.

The other day I came across this story and it seems appropriate to share at this time:

One evening a few years ago, I was interviewing adults for renewal of their temple recommends. A middle-aged woman came in for her interview. She had been married in the temple and was active in the Church all her life.

I sensed a deep sadness in her soul. As the interview progressed, I received a spiritual impression. I said to her, “Sister, I have the impression that you made a serious mistake when you were a teenager that you haven’t confessed to a priesthood leader. Would you be willing to tell me about it?”

She immediately began to cry. She told me that was true, but she had always felt too embarrassed to confess it to a bishop. As she confessed what she had done, she shared sufficient detail for me to make a determination of her worthiness.

The confession of her sin to a priesthood leader marked the end of her repentance process rather than the beginning. She had unnecessarily carried the burden and sorrow of that sin for more than 30 years.

Because she had completed the final step of repentance, her guilt was swept away. I would occasionally see her after the night of that interview. Her countenance became bright, and she was happy.... [and] was relieved of feelings of guilt that she had carried far too many years.

This is something I understand. I was actually very grateful to come across this story because it was one of those confirming moments of "I am not alone." I remember sitting in a bishop's office in college, confessing something that had happened over ten years prior, feeling a little worried the bishop would think I was a tad silly for telling him about something so old.... but also confident, because of the nature of what had happened, that I absolutely needed to take care of it with a bishop. I was certainly embarrassed and full of sorrow, but also grateful for the opportunity to cease carrying the burden on my own, and instead, allow the Savior to take it from me. Realistically it's still something I continue to carry, but I know I am not carrying it alone, even if I haven't been able to completely give it to the Lord yet. And, for that I am grateful.

It makes me sad to think that there are probably many people in this boat, carrying their burdens alone because they have yet to take the courage to get help in giving them away to the Lord. 'Cause it sucks to be in that boat.

I was reading through some emails the other day and found a friend's account of her impressions of me before we had ever spoken. I'll share some of what she said.

I remember looking at you sometimes and thinking that you looked tired or sad- but that you probably wouldn't tell me if I asked anyway.

I suppose I find that interesting. I don't remember specifics from the time period... but I know I was in a spiritual low point at the time and often found myself feeling sullen at church where she had the most opportunity to observe my mood. I mean it's always interesting to see what people thought of you before you became friends, or even early in your friendship... but really I've always been impressed by the level of intuition that observation required. Rarely do I wear my emotions on my face obviously enough for the average person to notice and only when I really don't give a crap haha. Happens more often when I'm grumpy ;) What it comes down to I think, is that I was carrying a burden, a few perhaps. Not "burdens" in the above context meaning ones that needed to be taken to a bishop, but burdens none the less. Burdens that could have been lightened had I found a way at the time to ask my Heavenly Father for help in carrying them, healing them. Burdens can be traumas, trials, sins... no matter the reason, they weigh on our souls and in the long run can effect our countenance. And that is most easily observed by people listening to the Holy Ghost. I look forward to the next chance I have to be prompted by the Spirit, assuming I am smart enough to act on it... so that I can help someone figure out how to lighten their burdens.. wether thats by encouraging them to take it to the Lord, or by listening and becoming their friend. It's a wonderful blessing to help someone lighten their load.