The Invisible Mold

I was watching an episode of West Wing a while back that I think sets the stage well for the concept that is on my mind today. One of the characters is presented with an argument from a small town in Alabama who wants to make the only rule of law be the Ten Commandments. Throughout the episode the character points out the primary flaw to this idea. That being that that there are several commandments that cannot be enforced because they are of an inward nature rather than outward. "Thou shalt not steal" involves an outward action that the government can respond to, but "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife" is an inward sin and does not necessarily involve an outward action that can be identified by law enforcement similar to that of "honor thy mother and thy father." This is why the Ten Commandments are for God to judge and not for man.

It's a lot like our pasts. For some, like those with scars or tattoos, there may be something to their outward physical appearance that may tell you something about the life they have lived, the struggles they have faced, or their sins. For others, because there are no outward physical signs, their past may be less easily observed by others. But that does not make someone with an outwardly visible history any less or any more than someone with an invisible past. Which is why it is God's job to judge, and not man's. Though clearly we need laws that can be enforced by man.. I would argue that it is possible for someone sitting in prison to have committed the same amount of sin or mistakes as someone sitting at home, deemed by man to be an upstanding citizen.

And, I think both parties can feel similar perspectives depending on their personality. Perhaps some with outward signs would prefer that they were not so easily observable to others so that they could not be judged for decisions made long ago. And perhaps some people prefer their pasts to be seen. And perhaps those with invisible pasts or sins would prefer there was something observable about their trials so they could more easily ask for help and seek understanding.. and there are certainly those who are glad that they can hide. Depends on where we are in life.

For the most part I qualify in that "invisible" category for which I have been both glad and frustrated. Glad because I fear being labeled. Frustrated because I feel a lack of understanding or empathy sometimes I wish I could have from others. Which I suppose is silly since as I just inferred above, I have already said that either way, God is the only one truly able to provide us with that perfect empathy and understanding. For the most part I have been feeling lately that I need to do a better job of not letting the past interfere with the present which is difficult... We all get that. The past is part of what shapes who we are, but of course, we and the Lord get some say in how we let it mold us. And in some ways the past is still affecting me in real and present ways that I have to deal with and can't ignore. I suppose in some ways I think I just haven't finished that molding process yet so I'm just not quite ready to let it go. And sometimes I worry if I'll ever be able to let some things go.. But regardless of other factors, I also think I need to worry less about getting the acceptance of people (sometimes myself included) which is sometimes a concern, and just be grateful for the Lord's acceptance of me.

However.. I must say that from time to time I think that the Lord sends us people for very specific reasons (and some people, for less specific reasons)... A few years ago, I was just beginning a very specific struggle and felt very very trapped by stigma. I was at work one afternoon and the prompting hit me to talk about it with this one girl. I had to stop and consider it for a moment because I was the manager. It seemed like an inappropriate conversation to have with someone I was in a position of authority over, and we certainly didn't have the level of friendship I would generally require prior to having that particular conversation, and of course there was something weird about it taking place at work period. But I felt oddly at peace about it and the prompting persisted. And so I went ahead and brought it up. As I recall, the conversation flowed amazingly smooth.. and she hardly skipped a beat. I made a sarcastic comment afterwards about how it was a weird thing to know about your boss, and I will always remember her response. "If anything, it makes you seem more human." I will always remember that, and I think I needed that answer in my life. I need to remember it more often. I needed to hear such a simple and undeniable, clearly unfeignable and genuine response that said "I can accept you as you are" regardless of whatever expectations she might have had for who I was. I need to have faith that that kind of response is plausible. We all have trials, and they are unique to each of us.. and perhaps some of them have more stigma around them than others, but at the end of the day, they all just make us human.

And nobody can judge, whether the trials of others are outward or inward because regardless, it will always be impossible to know people as well and as deeply as God understands us. I have certainly come to the conclusion by now that He understands me and my choices and struggles a heck of a lot better than I do. And I certainly know He has a better understanding of the mold he wishes to see me fill.

Stigma sucks. I wish we could tear it down. I wish we could trust people to accept us--the full, 3D, live and in color us, not just the filtered, abbreviated us. I wish I could better trust people to accept me.

But, even for people whose lives may have a more obvious, physical outward history to them... there will always be that invisible factor to people that we can't see. The outward things we can see are only a hint to what they have experienced. They say nothing of who they have become because of those things.