Love is Independent from Perfection

I mentioned to someone a while back that I had.. some strained relationships with my family growing up. And they asked, specifically regarding my mother, whether I felt the relationship had healed or not. I said yes, but that I think age was a big help for that. I really just have problems with authority figures and when I became an adult she made it clear that I was in charge of myself which I really appreciated and it took my issue with authority figures out of the equation. Made me feel more like we were.. peers finally, or something. Even when I've known that she didn't necessarily agree with something I was doing or thinking, we could agree to disagree and still walk away respecting eachother and loving eachother. And that's important to me. 

I suppose it's an interesting question to me. For the most part I guess I don't really even feel like it needed healing. I mean, yes, I should have been a more respectful and obedient child, and I still have way too much pride.. and it would have been nice if we had all gotten along all the time and such.. but I guess that's just not how I think about it when I look back on the history of things. When I look back on my life with my family as a kid... sure, I can acknowledge it could have been better. Pretty sure most people think that about life in general. But I've always been willing to accept that it was what it was even as a kid. I didn't have any expectations of it being different. It was my normal, it was just.. what it was. 

And while maybe my relationship with my mother or my father or my siblings wasn't the same as what other people experience... I always knew they loved me. And I always knew I loved them even when I was mad at them. I knew I loved my older siblings even though I felt like I had no explicable reason to do so since it's something like a 15-20 year age gap (depending on the sibling) and I barely knew them as a kid. I could count the number of times I remembered meeting them. But I loved them because they were family. And I couldn't explain it to myself even, but it was true. I knew my mother loved me, no matter how often we argued, no matter what was going on.. I knew she loved me. 

Now, granted, lets be honest, I was a stubborn little bugger, especially as a teenager, and certainly my mother and I had plenty of arguments. And I look back on that now and think my mother is a saint for putting up with me as well as she did! But that's one of those healing things that comes with the perspective that a daughter gets with age and motherhood ;)

Anyway, my primary point in all this.. I had a friend once that was feeling guilty about a particular bonding activity she couldn't give her child due to some health concerns of hers. And I told her, to screw social stigma on the matter. That child was designed for her and her family, and it was designed to survive and grow from whatever failings she may have, so not to worry about it. Her kid would not be ruined from this one failing. I think that may be the best and most memorable advice (for me, anyway) that I've ever given. 

My family, my mother... they're human. They had their own failings and struggles and heartbreaks. And I knew it as a kid too. I'm told I was very empathic for a child. And through it all, life goes on, and you have to endure. Who can blame people for not being able to keep up with all expectations when they're going through a hard time? And while maybe things weren't picture perfect, I always had what I needed, and that's the knowledge that my family loved me. Come to think of it.. I think that may be something I would count among my spiritual talents.. the knowledge that my family loves me, regardless of whatever evidence is/was on the table, or lack thereof. I was designed, prepared by God, to be able to survive and grow from the environment I was placed in.. and I would never want a different family, no matter how many trials you might tell me would have been removed from such a change. 

I suppose the thought was on my mind because I have worried most of my life that I wouldn't be a good enough mother.. that my own weaknesses and failings would limit my relationship with my children or would make them susceptible to similar trials and pitfalls that I faced. But I don't even think about my own mother that way. It didn't matter that she wasn't perfect. I knew she loved me and that's all that mattered. And I guess it gives me some hope that my children might feel the same about me despite my personal failings. 

Being perfect does not equate with love.. doing everything right doesn't equate with love.. Love is independent of all that and we don't have to feel like we're failing at loving our children because we're not perfect.. Just like God's love for us is independent from our ability to be perfect.