Teaching

My major is American Government Education ... this is because I chose the degree in which I felt I was least knowledgeable in, and needed to know most about in order to fulfill my responsibilities as a good citizen.

Before that I was an English Education major, because I have felt a love for English for a long time. It always just seemed to click. But I don't really enjoy a lot of the over analysis that is necessary to get a degree in English. And of course Art Education, but that's just because I enjoy drawing, and am fairly good at it.. I also think I would have the most freedom in teaching an Art class. I've always stuck with Education no matter how many times I've switched my major because that is the one thing that I guess has just never even been a question in my mind. I like teaching, and I feel I've always been good at it.

But I think in all honesty, if I were to teach any subject... it would be 3rd grade math. Too bad third grade isn't categorized by subject just yet.. I'd have to get a degree in Elementary Education and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Besides... the only teaching I've done has been one on one where I could design my course to fit the needs of the student! I think I'd go crazy with the limitations placed on me by the school district and state requirements and a large classroom of varying personalities of children.

But I really do enjoy teaching it, none the less. I seem destined to it to a certain extent... seeing as I had the opportunity to teach my nephew Jonathan when he was doing third grade math... and now I'm teaching his younger brother Brandon, who is now taking his turn in third grade math. Coincidence, yeah?

Pride Cycle

When reading the scriptures... people always comment that they find it so absurd that in periods of history such as after Christ's death, it takes so little time for the people to dissent from the truth. We always think, "They had seen Christ! How is it that they could have strayed so far in only 200 years?" Or in other sections of the scriptures where the people were righteous, and then in just one generation they were wicked again worshiping Baal just like their great great great grandparents or what have you...

I've always wondered how many people realize how preposterous that manner of thinking is. I'll tell you right now that without even knowing a single clue as to the lives of my ancestors from 200 years ago, that I am a very different person than they were, and I'm sure I live my life very differently than they would have me living according to their traditions.

We should know better to think that way from the example of our lives alone. Just because I had a testimony when I was seven doesn't mean I didn't rebel when I was thirteen. Just because I had a testimony when I was fourteen doesn't mean I didn't stray when I was sixteen. I felt firm and steadfast when I was eighteen, and yet I have struggled since then. I have been righteous, and I have been wicked. And that cycle has happened several times within my own life, let alone in the time span of a generation or more. I think that many of us look back on historic times as a fairy tale void of the passing of real time, with real emotions and complications. But they're lives were as much of a fairy tale as ours are now. We place higher expectations on these historical figures, than we would ever place on most people we know.

It does not matter what miracles you have seen, and it does not matter what time you grew up in. Nephi's brothers saw angels and yet that did nothing for them. It is only the strength of our testimony and our faith that mean anything.

My greatest goal in life will be to foster the kind of faith and testimony in my life that can endure an entire generation. One that I can pass on to my children while they foster their own.

Something Missing

Over the years, I have more than once, come to a situation in which I struggle. I struggle to the point that I feel like I can't do it alone. The independent in me responds to that with a lot of pride, and says that I need to buck up, stop being a baby, rub some dirt in it, and just move on--no drama--no need for anyone to know about it but me.

There's another part of me, that says the best friendships can only be fostered in allowing people to see you when you are vulnerable. You have to be willing and able to open up to people. You also have to be able to let your pride down and be willing sometimes to let other people help you.

On the flip side, there are some things we have to do on our own, and should be able to do on our own.

This is a scale that I find very difficult to balance. When do you let your guard down, and let people help you... and when do you buck up, and work through it on your own?

This is my default setting, stumbling between these two options. But, I think there's something missing in that equation. Part of what's missing, is the Lord, the atonement. We can't do everything on our own, and that's something we all have to realize. However, there are also things that we cannot do even with the help of our friends. And so if those are the only options we allow ourselves, then there will be some things we will never be able to do. And I know that for me personally, that is something I just can't accept. I don't believe in the "glass ceiling." I want to be able to do anything I set my heart on.

My weakness then, is factoring in the atonement. Christ suffered in Gethsemane for our sins, our sorrows, and our struggles... he is what fills the gap between perfection, and man's imperfection.

I need to strengthen my testimony of the Atonement's ability to work in my life and not just everybody else's. I need to remember Christ's powerful desire to come and lift me up when I have fallen--to bless me when I am in need.

because the Church.. is True.

Helaman 4: 12-15; 22-26

Dear John

The movie, "Dear John" always makes me cry.

Stumbling

If you desire not to stumble, when walking down a rocky road... you must watch the path that you are travelling. Or else you will trip, and your knees, hands, elbows, and face will get a much closer relationship with the dirt your shoes had known so well.

This is true in all things... life is a rocky path. Meandering about is dangerous and unproductive. Tripping in life, is a much more painful experience than your average skinned knee or flesh wound... because the consequences are not generally so temporal.

Memories

Memories feel so close, and yet so out of reach. Pictures incite those memories, and help you to recall the world in which those images took place... the steps you took to get there, and the fun times that happened afterwards. But they are just memories. Those people aren't around anymore. There is nothing tangible for you to reach out and feel, nothing for your eyes to see.

Sometimes it feels like it never happened, and it really was just a dream. Sometimes when those people aren't available to you... you wonder if they even still exist. "Out of sight out of mind" turns to a kind of loss, because in some ways, they feel dead... like they no longer exist. A sort of ... shroedinger's cat, so to speak... because until we see them again, we really don't know whether or not they are even out there still, breathing and laughing and living.

Radioactive

Today's doctor appointment brought forth news. I'm scheduled for an ultra sound in three weeks.. and then a full body scan.. and some other such tests and such... and then my Radioactive Iodine treatment should begin soon after that!

I'm not really excited because it involves a whole heck of a lot of hassle.. and a lot of isolation besides that... and in all honesty, I don't really do very well with isolation! But I suppose my plan will be to avoid thinking about that part of the whole thing until we get a little closer to that point in my life story, yeah?

Assumptions

If you acknowledge that it is mine, you are acknowledging that it is not yours. Therefore, by taking it, you are acknowledging your own thievery.

I assumed people could follow college rules and think.. "Well this isn't mine, so I shouldn't eat it." But I learned today that when not at college, you can't make that assumption. It doesn't matter if your name is written on it, or how expensive people know it is.. they will eat it anyway, because it is available.

Which I understand to a certain extent.. because when at home you generally just eat whatever is around the house.. And of course I approve of that. People go to the store and buy things and bring them home and you eat them! But if someone writes their name on something.. that's generally enough for anyone to take the hint that it's not meant to be shared with the family. Guess that doesn't work for everyone though. I'm totally cool with people eating the things I buy for the house, just not the things I specifically write my name on. You can ask for some, or I can offer you some... but you don't just dig in. Right? right.

Result: restoration of a hidden stash in my bedroom.
I hate not being able to trust people though.

Babysitting Weekend

 
  Well hello there all. This weekend was spent in Hillsboro, Tx just outside of Waco. My sister and her husband were attending a finance seminar and needed a babysitter! So for two days I was on baby duty from 6am - 8pm. And today until about 10am as well, when his grandparent's on Josh's (my sister's husband) side took over. And I made it home in time to go to the singles ward session of church!

Babysitting was way fun, and Jason is a perfect little angel. Best kid you could ask for as far as babysitting goes. I've never babysat for a baby for that many hours in a row before.. gives me a new appreciation for how often they eat and sleep!! Being around a baby so much, I've started noticing myself getting tired at all the times he's down for a nap! Even 10am! lol. It also gave me a new appreciation for parents of BOYS, because the perilious thought that every time you change their diaper, they might decide to pee on you in the process, is just a TAD bit frightening. Ha, and yes, I did get to experience that joyous wonder... gah. ha. Its all good though.

Can't say much right now, but there might be more babysitting in my future. But that's all still very up in the air. I'll keep you all posted though, you know I will =)

loves!

My Texas Home

 

Well, I've been bugging my friend Mandy to update her blog, and she finally did... so I figured it was time to update my own blog! Haha, since I haven't updated it at all since leaving Idaho! So here we go!

Last weekend my family celebrated the first ever Capps Family Reunion! Everyone was there but Jeff and his family, and our sister Brenda. And David's not in the above picture because he had to leave before we took said picture, but he was there! My oldest nephew Andrew and I had been planning a not so secret water fight for quite a long time it seems! And so it was rather exciting for it to finally happen =) In actuality, we had several water fights by the time all was said and done! I bought a bunch of water guns, and all of Chad's kids and his two foster children brought their own guns. So nearly every time we went swimming at the pool, waterguns came along with and we had water fights in the pool! And anyone without a gun always had the option of just splashing ;P

Melanie brought her Mary Kay stuff with her, and we had a little Mary Kay party with the girls the second night! And everyone got to learn how to do their make up. It was fun, but everyone sure crashed by the time we were done! The last official activity of the reunion was a water balloon fight! After which we returned to the cabins and had cake and ice cream to celebrate my niece Juli's twelth birthday!

So other than that, our activities were mini-golfing, talking, hanging out, and my personal favorite... changing dirty diapers. Hahahaha.

Since then, life's been pretty simple. Lots of doctor appointments for me this month, but that's not unusual. And more are likely to come. Yesterday Paula and I hung out, and we got our tshirts for our tye-dye project! Hopefully the tshirts come out good when we end up dying them, which probably won't be until next week. I'm spending this weekend in Waco, Texas babysitting for my sister! Little baby Jason! So, lots more dirty diapers to come in my future! But I will be back by Sunday for church, as it turns out, which will be happy. Because otherwise I was only gonna get like 2 sundays with my friend Paula!

Well that's all for now. Next upcoming activities are:
Tye-dying!
Hanging out with Paula!
My friend Colby's wedding in Idaho!