Last Week

Having Michael coming home on the 18th was a sigh of relief. I admit when we were waiting for him at the airport I was extremely anxious and there was a part of me that was desperate to run up the stairs so I would be the first to see him. I've never been so excited to see someone in my entire life. I was just so glad to be with him again and to see him, and be reminded of all the good parts of getting married... not just the baking and the planning and the budgeting parts!It's become more and more real that we're getting married with every passing day.

My parents and I went with Juli and Jonathan to the temple on Thursday. They went through a session in the baptistery while my mother and I went to the distribution center. I chose out fabrics and styles for clothing in the temple like my Temple Dress (which will need to be altered because it's currently dragging on the floor lol). My mother was grinning ear to ear the whole time. It was cute. Afterwards we went into the temple to see how they were coming along in the baptistery and one of the temple workers asked if I could get changed into the white jumpsuit and do some confirmations. And you just can't say no to a temple worker! lol. So I said sure thing, and went along with it. It was really great being able to spend some time in the temple just sitting there for a while, and being able to serve there one more time before I get married this upcoming week.

David arrived today, and it was nice to have a day just with one new addition to the group and spend time with him individually. Tomorrow is my last fairly simple day. After that it's Christmas. Family will really start arriving then, and I'm spending part of the day with Michael's family. I feel like I'm supposed to be spending as much time with my family as possible. But I'm also supposed to be spending some time with the future in-laws. It's a hard line to draw. Monday we need to get some last minute shopping in as well as dip all the hundreds of cake balls and oreo truffles we've made in the past couple weeks (boy am I so sick of making those!). And Tuesday we'll be decorating the church as well as picking various people up from the airport throughout the day before we drive up to San Antonio for the night. I still don't know how my hair is getting done. And I don't have an official "cake" to cut.
Most of the time I'm not stressed. But let's face it, that's really because I'm not thinking about what all needs to be done. I'm procrastinating and flaking on multiple accounts. Needless to say, I'm anxious to get married to Michael already and have atleast a few days to relax before a whole new round of stresses begin.

Two Weeks

Well, I have reached a point in my life where most of my conversations start with "Congratulations!" lol. I was telling my mother the other day that I'm going to be hearing that sentiment for a very long time. Let's be honest, people treat you like you just got married yesterday until you've been married for atleast a year, so I have atleast the next year to look forward to hearing "Congratulations!" lol. Not that I'm complaining, it was just a thought at the moment that spurred a conversation.

Everyone asks me how the wedding plans are going... I never really know what to say. Does anyone really want to know how many hundreds of cake balls we've made? Or how many hundreds more there are that still need to be made? lol. It's hard for me to work on something like this. Everyone who knows me well knows that I'm not much of an academic. I get things done the night before most of the time. I procrastinate. I flake. I forget. I let things slide. And it's against my own personal policy to stress. And I'm not the biggest fan of following schedules. I like making schedules, but then I like getting things done as it suits my fancy. So I don't have a big long list of things I'm going to do tomorrow necessarily, or this week, or what have you. There are things I have written down somewhere that I know need to get done. But that's about it.

I get anxious, and a little nervous. I'm definitely anxious for Michael to get home... and I'm definitely ready for all the planning to be over. I'm a doer. I like getting things done much more than I like thinking about them. I'd rather set up the whole thing in the gym, decorations and all several times than talk about them even once.

Planning a wedding certainly tells you a lot about yourself, your family, and it gives other people the chance to get to know a different side of you! I've got my first interview this Wednesday. I've got my Bridal Shower next Tuesday, and Christmas that Sunday and then my wedding the following Wednesday. Crazy, huh?

Funnily enough, part of me is aware that once school starts, there will be some part of me that wishes I was back at home still just planning a wedding. But I'm pretty sure the majority of me, will just be glad to be married, and to be with Michael.

No more waiting.
For a while that is.

Privacy

I've never had a problem growing up getting privacy. As a child my siblings didn't really want a whole lot to do with me. I was the admittedly irritating little sister. When I got older it was merely a matter of mutual respect. Everyone allowed everyone else privacy, knowing that they wanted that same privacy in return. You knew that if their door was shut you didn't go in without knocking. And if their door was locked and they weren't there, you left it alone. Even having roommates in college, obviously it's not the same amount of privacy, but you know not to go through the other person's stuff, or in a lot of environments, you don't even cross over to their side of the room.

Where I'm living now, it's like I'm not allowed to have privacy. Which is weird, because I'm paying extra for a private room. But my roommate who owns the place thinks she can tell me to clean my room, or that she can move my things around, or enter my room when I'm not home. I started locking my door this week to hint that I'd prefer no one go in my room, and yet I come home to discover that she decided to unlock my door so she could get in my room. Why anyone would think that was okay, eludes me entirely. I wish there was some reasoning with her so that the next person to move in wouldn't have to deal with it... but no matter what you say, her comeback is "Well, it's my house so I can do or expect whatever I want."

Tomorrow I will have only a week left in this house. I'll spend the next month or so at home with my parents, before I get married. Then I will have a brand new roommate, that I like SO much more. And he respects me! And loves me! What a bonus is that!?

Upcoming Events

So I've been reminded that I haven't written in my blog in a while, so here I am once again to update everyone on the latest happenings. This morning I registered for next semester's classes. The benefit of having loads of credits is that I get to register like a week before the majority of the population. Most of the classes I registered for are really designed for sophomores, so only one or two other spots had actually been filled in any of them since sophomores can't register for a few more days. My latest class ends at 1:45, so I'll be able to keep working at the call center I've been working at this semester. And on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I only have one class (although it has both a lecture and lab period) but it means that I can definitely use those days to do homework for my MWF classes. Other than my Biology class, all of my classes are in the Ricks building. So this semester, the Ricks will be my home. Up the hill I go!

These are the classes I'm signed up for:
Human Biology
Social Science Statistics
General Psychology
Introduction to Sociology
Introduction to Social Work

I think you probably get the idea of what I'm considering majoring in... I can't officially declare Social Work as my major until after I complete these classes and apply to the program. So after this semester I'll be crossing my fingers that I get into the program. In addition to doing well in the above classes, I have to write like a three page autobiography, and have three recommendations. We'll see how all of that goes!

Also today, I ordered the invitations! Now I need to get busy on printing the inserts... I bought the paper for them a while back, so I can atleast say that I have that taken care of for now. And I think I've gotten to the point where I don't really care about my wedding dress anymore... ha. I believe I will order it online this week. I need to get on it soon though.

Also happening today, I have an appointment with my doctor for a premarital exam to discuss birth control and other such things. What a party, I know. Although I'm also also getting some bloodwork done in the same appointment just to kill of two birds with one stone. I've got a bloodwork sheet to see how my thyroid is doing, and then I also have to get a TB test. Since I went to China (oh so long ago), the university is requiring that I get a TB test done before I begin classes or it'll lock me out of the system. Dumb! They should have asked how recently we had left the country, not "had we ever" ... yes? I think so!

Anyway, that is the summary of Emily's life.
2 weeks until I leave Rexburg
3 weeks after I get home, Michael arrives
1.5 weeks after that, we get married.
(49 days in all!)

Preparation

Michael and I bought a mattress this week! Box spring and frame included. There was a good sale going on and we decided that it would be best not to miss it and that we ought to buy it now rather than later. So for right now, it's taking up all the wall space on one side of my room lol.

Tell you what, we are certainly beginning to realize how expensive life can be! With school and rent and insurance! Not to mention everything else! lol. But if we both have a part time job we think it will work out fine. We might need a nudge of help just to start off with the immediate lump sums that are soon approaching, but we'll be self sufficient.

We're on the waiting list for atleast one married housing complex now, and we have plans to do some shopping/registering this Friday. I'm hoping to get engagement pictures done ASAP so I can have them... for one... order invitations for two... and post pictures on Facebook for three.

The other main thing I need to make some progress on is Wedding Dress shopping... but I feel pretty lost and alone on that subject! Same with what to do with my hair or how to make my reception beautiful and unique lol. Yay for life. Two more months until home and it truly consumes my life! haha

Meant to Be

I haven't known where I was supposed to be. I ended up deciding on Rexburg because it was practical, and because it had some pros riding along with it... like it being the place where Michael will be this semester. Really though, I haven't felt very comfortable in my own skin. I haven't felt for certain that this was really where I was supposed to be. Going to Kenya still weighs heavily on my mind and I feel such a strong pull to go.

But for now at least... I can tell you that Rexburg is where I need to be. I can't really explain it to you. It's been a collective of small things. Things like the fact that my ward here is the Rexburg YSA 2nd ward.... and my home ward in Texas used to be the Austin 2nd ward before its name changed. I know it seems silly, but it seems like a small little message to me that for now this can be home.

I don't know how long I'm supposed to be here... I don't know how long this is supposed to be home. Part of me still feels like I'll find a job, save up some money, and still find a way to get to Kenya this semester. I feel like my whole life revolves around finding a way to get myself to Kenya. I wish I could explain it.

I just have this image in my mind of that orphanage I was accepted to volunteer at... and the children there. I love them already and I haven't even met them yet.

Roommates

My roommate Courtney gave me an idea today. She did this unknowingly, but that's besides the point. On the fridge, she has made a list of all the roommates she's had in the last year. It's a pretty impressive list for only one year, I must admit. But I decided that making a list wasn't a bad idea. Especially taking my memory into account. It'd be a sad day if I forgot any... even the ones I'd prefer to forget! ;)

List of Roommates (Italicized ones I had for multiple semesters)

Amy - my Texan buddy

Dana - Quirky Virginian

Lyndsey - Nightmare!

Ariel - The peacemaker

Rebecca - Left a week later

Marianne - Always sleepy, or always gone

Jacqueline - Paranoid but friendly

Brittney - Funny and engaged! 

Ann - My London and Jerusalem lover

Kelsey - Sassy and lovely!

Colby - My honorary roommate!

Lauren - Late night security gone sk8r ;)

Cambria - Always gone with a boy

Rachel - Boy crazy... GONE crazy

Hayley - Waiting for a missionary

Karissa - Nice BUTT Lady! 

Krystal - No germophobe here; always calmed me down

Krysta - A young swing dancer

Jennie - Let's clean them dishes!

Rebecca - Wild and out of control! (In a good way!)

Brynn - Looking for a boy

Courtney - my Charmed companion

Megan - The hip English teacher

Rexburg

I'm back in Rexburg. Have been for a few days now. Went on a boating/camping trip with my new ward this weekend and it was really fun. I think it will prove to be a good ward. Certainly different than any other singles ward I've been to in Idaho, but it'll be good. I already have a nickname: "Del Taco" or "Taco Time" depending on who you ask. There's a girl in the ward named Kaitlyn, and everyone thinks we look like twins. Most people in the ward spent most of the weekend trying to tell the two of us apart. And her nickname is Taco Bell, so of course my nickname had to be related.

I'm different now than I used to be. I don't know if anyone really sees it. But something just clicked in me. I can't stop thinking about Kenya. Every time I see one of those ads about starving African children, I can't help but wish I was there. The feeling reminds me of colorguard... but stronger. Once you join colorguard, it's always in your blood. Always. You see an object and you size it up... and you wonder where it's center of balance is. Where would be the best place for you to place your hand to begin spinning it. Doesn't matter if it's a flag, a rifle, a sabre, or a broom stick. It's there. You want to spin things. It's in your heart. Always. Even if you let it go, as something you do all the time... it's still there in the heart. It changes you. And wanting to go to Kenya changed me. I can't explain it really. But I really do want to go.

I'm sitting here in Rexburg, and I'm so glad to be back. Rexburg has come to feel like home to me. I am home when I come to Rexburg. I realize that especially now that I've spent a summer in Provo. Somewhere that was neither Texas, or Idaho. It wasn't home. I enjoyed my time in Provo, don't get me wrong... but it will never feel like home the way Austin and Rexburg do to me.

And yet, even while I'm here--home--in Rexburg... something still isn't sitting right. I'll feel better once Michael gets here I know. But part of me still wants to know if I'm really meant to be here in Rexburg right now. I can tell my whole heart's not in it right now. And maybe that will change once Michael gets here, and I get a job, and begin to get into the habits of every day living again... but maybe it won't until I'm able to do whatever it is I'm supposed to do. I really only have two things on my mind. And one of them, is Kenya.

A Selfish Time

Living in student wards, something you hear a lot from people is how hard it is to be selfless and to devote time to serving others... Because your single years are "a pretty selfish time" while you're working on getting an education for yourself and find a spouse and whatever else single people think will some day make their life be better. But I could not disagree more.

I understand the concept that when you get married you are tied down a little more and restricted in the kind of adventures you can have, at least for while. And I understand the concept of making sure to live your life to the fullest so you won't have regrets when you get married. And maybe there's a thin line between living out your dreams for the here and now, and being selfish... But like I said... it's vague and thin line.

Saying that the stage of life you are currently in requires you to be selfish is in my opinion purely an excuse. And getting in the habit of making such an excuse will only enable you to further the habit the rest of your life. It means you view serving as some kind of burden, when really... the idea of service should not be a burden at all. It should be a part of who you are. What would this world be like, if we all could drop what we were doing when someone needed our service to them?

Charity brings forth service and service brings people closer in a way that you could never understand if charity and service weren't part of your very nature. Understanding what service can do for a relationship will allow your heart to yearn for the very opportunity to serve.

I want so badly to forget myself; to lose myself in a work greater than myself and to build relationships through service. I simply cannot get my desire to go to Kenya out of my mind. I find myself devising more and more possible plans to make it happen. I want to go so badly it makes me want to cry. And I don't think anyone understands that, or even why I want and possibly need to go.

I've battled this question of selfishness. Would it be selfish of me to go to Kenya? But at the same time, my mind says... how could it be? Is it not a righteous desire, to want to give my life in service of a people in need, for as long as I can afford to be there? One of my friends asked me recently... If I don't go to Kenya... is it something I will look back on, and forever regret? And honestly, I think the answer is yes.

I'm fully aware that not everyone can devote the resources or time to give their life to service on a long term basis... but in the end it's all about making service part of who you are. It's about wanting to serve. It's about being willing to devote time to service. It doesn't matter what stage of life you are in. There is no such things as "a selfish time in life." I don't understand how anyone could ever think that our Heavenly Father had it in his plan for us to take a break from being charitable. We're supposed to be growing to be like him all the time. Obviously, we should always be doing our best. And our best may change depending on our present circumstances, and how self reliant we are or how mentally stable we are... but the perspective I think we should all have... is a goal to do our best, all the time to serve, to love, and put others before our own problems.

Return to Rexburg

The past couple months I've spent a lot of time dwelling on whether or not I wanted to finish a four year degree, and whether or not I'm supposed to be a teacher. I have a lot of talents that mold well to the role of being a teacher but that doesn't necessarily mean that teaching is the career I'm meant to have. I spent a lot of time dwelling on the many possibilities I could choose or look into as a possible major... and how long each major would take to complete. I'm not one for academics, so my first strategy was to choose the first major I found that I could complete in the fewest amount of semesters. However, I then stumbled across a tool on BYU Idaho's website that gave a description of the interests and values found in each major. And all of the majors I had been considering were all of a sudden thrown out the window because I held none of the interests or values that seemed to be attributed to them.


I stumbled across some new possibilities... but I haven't decided yet if I entirely feel like they match what I feel I should be doing with my life. So I probably won't bring up any specifics until I feel more confident in what I'm going to do... but for now I feel peace on that search.


Besides that, my other main struggle has been deciding where I wanted to live in the Fall. My schedule of flip--flopping has gone between Texas, Provo, Logan, Idaho Falls, Rexburg, and Kenya. I got so excited at the prospect of going to Kenya, but for now atleast it isn't meant to be. But I also think that the process taught me some things about myself. So desiring to go was still a worthwhile endeavor. After ruling Kenya out of my list of options, everything else seemed to dull in comparison.


But I finally decided about a week ago that I wanted to return to Rexburg. Finding housing seemed daunting. Because I haven't been accepted back to BYU Idaho, I can't live in student housing and most community in Rexburg is reserved for married folk which makes the monthly price average around $500 a month... which for a single person is way too expensive! But through much searching I found a place that I'm pretty sure I will be able to afford. I texted the owner just yesterday and told her I'd take it! Only thing is, I won't have any roommates. So I'll have to have lots of external friends, or I won't have much of a social life!


My contract ends on the 12th so I'll probably leave either that day or the day before and either go straight to Rexburg or hang out for a little while in Logan. The fall semester I plan on just working. The winter semester I hope to move back into student housing and start back up with school again. Anyway, there's your basic summar of what's going on with Emily. My major life crises have been put at bay for the time being and I'm just crossing my little fingers that I'll find a job within my first week or two in Rexburg. Otherwise, I'm not sure where I'd go from there!


Here's hoping.
I'm excited to be in Rexburg again. I've always felt at home there.