Normalizing

I have really loved being able to feel like I can write these blogs about depression, anxiety, shame, and my inner struggle with spirituality. I came to the conclusion the other day, that the antidepressants helped a lot with my depression (duh). But therapy is what helped the most when it came to anxiety and shame. And now that I'm mostly back to not seeing my therapist (again)... I have been so appreciative for this blog and the ability to let things out instead of bottling them up. And the ability to talk about it has acted as a way to continue the positive path I've been on regarding shame. The other day, I posted on Facebook about attending the LDS Church's Addiction Recovery Program meetings for the last few months, and it was one of those moments where I sort of shocked myself. I had had absolutely no intention of talking about that on social media (or on my blog for that matter, at least not yet)... but for whatever reason, I felt prompted to do so when reading that particular chapter from the ARP manual (Step 11 in case you were curious). Part of me wonders how much of that decision was because of a spiritual prompting, and how much of it was because it was less scary to do because talking about these sorts of things has made it feel like less of a vulnerable subject (though it certainly still seems pretty vulnerable).

I have a few friends with varying degrees of experience with mental health concerns, and I have so appreciated their posts (and conversations I have had) lately regarding life with mental health issues/addictions. It's a bit like ARP, but with people I actually know! Having the chance to hear other people talking about some of the alterations they have had to make to their life or routine, makes me feel better about having to do some of those things from time to time. Normalization is good. I hope my blog serves the same purpose for others in normalizing. I've been hoping for a way recently that I can be of more service to people instead of feeling like a burden, to switch up my role in relationships more, in that regard. Someone asked me the other day what I do to feel like myself. And my blog is something that I didn't consider at the time, partially I guess because I don't do it every day, but really, it is something that I find extremely fulfilling, and I'm grateful I have. I'm just so much better at expressing myself in writing than I am out loud, and it is certainly cathartic. But I will definitely acknowledge that having conversations face to face can be WAY better, and WAY more fulfilling just because there is something absolutely unique and powerful about connecting to another human being by having a vulnerable or personally intimate conversation. I love that. It's something I crave to some extent. But, sometimes that's out of my control, and that's something I have to get used to. 

So, thank you, to all who have been a part of this journey, especially regarding my most vulnerable truths and fears.. and for treating me the same as you always have, despite whatever changes have occurred in your perception of me. Goodness knows that losing the respect and friendship of those closest to me is one of my greatest fears.