So I had a flaky moment last week. I felt prompted to go to an Addiction Recovery Meeting and thought I’d try the new one that was started in our area a few months ago that is strictly for women. Well I got there and panicked and left. Oops. So on my way home, still feeling like I was supposed to go, I decided to stop by the meeting in Moscow going on at the same time. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me, but that particular meeting on that day and time is not actually an ARP meeting. Instead, it’s a support meeting for spouses and loved ones of those who struggle with addiction. And I gotta say it was awkward initially. I felt like an intruder listening to secrets that weren’t intended for “my kind.” A wolf amongst the sheep. There was a part of me that wanted to just sit there quietly and pass when it came to sharing time and let them make what assumptions they pleased. But I didn’t really feel comfortable with that either. Part of me was worried if I admitted I was not a spouse, but instead someone who actually attended the Addiction Recovery meeting that they would hate me, for being the same kind of person causing them sadness and grief.
A bit melodramatic I know, but sometimes the inner voice is a bit melodramatic. I did introduce myself, and while I didn’t say much I did thank them for letting me crash the party. And while I didn’t think I’d be sharing about this, I decided I wanted to do a small spotlight on the group. Hopefully I do it justice.
For one, this group can help such a wider audience than just those who are the loved ones of those suffering addiction. It can help people who have been hurt by a wide variety of issues and people and the manual is great even for couples who have a hard time communicating even if there are no huge underlying issues. One person there brought up that they have found the group useful for them as a victim of abuse as a child and while I hadn’t put it into words just yet I thoroughly agreed with them.
I totally ran away from the group with a copy of their manual which is different than the ARP meeting’s manual. And while I haven’t finished reading it yet, it’s very focused on personal emotional and spiritual recovery, forgiveness, and honest communication and rebuilding trust. I don’t know why it had never even occurred to me that the spouse group would have a manual.. but it’s a great manual. And who couldn’t benefit from learning about those things? I totally recommend checking out the manual for a good read for personal growth and healing.
For myself, it was enlightening to experience a window into the thoughts of “the other side.” But beyond that—Due to my abuse as a kid and subsequent experiences with men through my teenage and adult years, I have a really really hard time being vulnerable and discussing deeply personal things with men, more specifically, my husband. It is way easier to be vulnerable with women. So sitting through a meeting where the subject matter was about how to build your willingness to be vulnerable with someone with whom that feels scary with... hit home very well. I love my husband and perhaps I don’t always communicate that well enough or in the most effective ways and I know I can improve in that area. I want to improve in that area. I also know I’m not alone in that respect. So check out the manual. And if you feel like you need the emotional support of being with like hearted people who have felt hurt or betrayed by someone they love or who are struggling watching their loved one go through the struggle of addiction or compulsive actions.. if you need support while you yourself heal and find relief from despair, I recommend the group.
Click here for the Spouse and Family Support Guide
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