Rainbow Follow-Up

I once wrote a blog about a friend asking me the question “Would you feel more comfortable at church if everyone in the room were wearing rainbow pins” as a show of support for those who experience same sex attraction and others who identify as LGBTQ+. And I explained that at the time of the question, I said “no,” because I didn’t identify with the rainbow symbol then, but that since that conversation, I have adjusted my perspective.

One of the other reasons why I said no, was because for me, the subject of my sexuality rarely comes up at church and is therefore a moot point.

But last Sunday, we were discussing a talk by Kevin S. Hamilton and as part of that we were discussing what it means to be authentic to our true selves. And I had a strong feeling that I had something to share here that would require mentioning my sexuality, and that it would be disingenuous of me if I didn't share. And the first thing I did was look for an emotional support blanket in the form of a supportive friend that already knew. And while the person I was looking for wasn’t there, I was still able to look around and see at least 2 people in the room that knew and that I knew would support me if necessary. And that helped me find the courage to share. I find myself very grateful for the people who have voiced their support to me directly.

So, for the first time ever, I used the words “I’m gay” in a public, group setting, out loud, at church. Which felt very different from writing it out in a blog, by the way. And my hands were shaking, and my heart rate was elevated. But I was also grateful to be able to speak my mind even if my voice might shake. And I felt peace (and someone handed me a baby to hold afterwards, and that's pretty darn calming). I talked about how… while I am gay, being authentic with that doesn’t mean viewing myself as only that one thing. Viewing myself as only one thing felt very limiting in fact. But viewing myself as a Daughter of God first and foremost, allows for a wide berth of growth and change. And I can be a Daughter of God, and be gay.

Now, I think I’m at the point where I could have shared even if there wasn’t anyone in the room that I already knew supported me. Even if it would have involved a little more anxiety. But the thought did come to mind, that yes, knowing there were supportive “allies” in the room was helpful. And that is the whole point behind the idea of the rainbow pins (in my opinion). Letting people know they have support, love, and fellowship despite their differences.

Now I still stand by the fact that a pin shouldn’t be necessary. We should be able to have the reassurance that people at church love Christ and are trying to be like him and therefore are striving to love others and be kind and Christlike… right? And there are too many things for us to be nervous about sharing for a pin to represent each one. But of course, church isn’t for perfect people. Nobody’s perfect. And we all have our unique flaws and challenges. That’s how it goes. And maybe the pins help pick up some of the slack, so to speak. Help to drown out the doubt and the negative.

I’m grateful for the peace I find in being wholly me, and not just one thing. I’m grateful I have nothing to hide. I’m grateful that I can be honest and genuine with people no matter the subject or context. And I’m grateful for the support system I have, and the new additions I keep finding.