Societial Expectations of Intimacy

I was in a forum once several years ago, where we were talking about intimacy. One girl chimed in that she had made the decision to never deny intimacy to her husband if he wanted it, no matter what. And honestly, that just made me feel very sad for her. I view that opinion as a way to force yourself to feel like an object, like a submissive, like something to be used, like someone whose feelings and opinions didn't matter, like a victim. Now, I should clarify. I do not believe people should use intimacy as a threat "if you do that you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight" but I do believe that women, no matter the context, have the right to say no. Personally, I could never be so outwardly vocal that way anyway. I suppose I'm a tad bit passive aggressive ;)

I have taken great care not to give in to any pressure to being intimate, because that is how I can protect both myself and my husband from a bigger issue. Because I love him, I would never want to resent him for that, I would never want to feel like a victim in my own marriage.

I hate how society makes it seem like it is the obligation and role in life of women, to service the needs of men. And I do mean hate. I hate the objectification of women and what porn does to men and their expectations/their understanding of how women should be treated. And I hate what that does to women. I have known too many women who have been mistreated or taken advantage of in life. I hate when people try to claim that porn doesn't change them or alter their views or their intimacy in real life. It makes me want to swear! The things people learn about sex from porn or even the society created by porn are just awful.

Even in high school I remember there being a boy, whom I never even dated, that constantly had his hands all over me and would pull me into his lap all the time etc... And I felt like I couldn't say no. It's ridiculous that he thought he had the right to do that, and it's ridiculous that I did not feel more empowered to say no.

I wish there was a way for me to protect and empower more women out there to avoid more of these situations. I wish I could educate men and women well enough to alter the societal lessons on intimacy and the role of women. I can only hope that I am able to teach my own children how sacred agency is.. How sacred their bodies are, and how mutual respect and care for the other is vital in a relationship is.. Our primary concern, our first thought, in intimacy, in life, should be for others, and not ourselves.