Guilt vs Shame

Something my therapist talked to me about is the differcence between guilt and shame. It was an important distinction I find helpful even though I still struggle discerning between the two... Essentially, guilt serves a purpose. It can lead us toward making righteous changes. Guilt comes from God in order to help us identify the areas in which we need to change. Whereas shame doesn't help us change. When we feel shame, we hide. We feel less than we are, and that doesn't come from God. I think part of what makes it hard is that we, or at least I, often feel both emotions. Which makes sense really... we do something wrong, the light of Christ in each of us helps us realize that sense of guilt, but Satan doesn't want us to change, so he sends shame as a way to try to get us to impede ourselves from progress and growth and healing.

For me... I think that I have done a decent job of trying to address things quickly when I have had that sense of guilt. When necessary I have confessed to my Bishop. But I don't seem to be so good at letting go of the shame. I leave myself convinced that perhaps I wasn't graphic enough in my details with the Bishop. Maybe I was mistakenly absolved because perhaps with a more detailed account, the result of those meetings would have been different. And the shame eats at me for years. Until I have finally gone to a Bishop again to report an old story when they have essentially said, geez, you've beat yourself up about this for a long time, you've clearly felt remorse, you're fine, let it go already. I guess its just hard for me to tell in those instances whether I'm still feeling guilt/shame because I just suck at forgiving myself, or whether there is still more I need to do to be forgiven.

I think I sort of talked about that issue with my therapist as well. Which is when she essentially told me that while I may believe in the atonement, I struggle having the faith that it applies to me the same way it applies to others. Which I can nod and shake my head at, of course ;) I'm not really sure how to change that though... (no, I'm not looking for advice. I'm not really in a place to be open to it). It does seem like a good place to start though when looking for a cure for shame. Because the atonement promises healing regardless of the source of pain. My biggest wish.. I think, is that I can figure it out at least well enough that I don't pass on this weakness to my children.. that I can teach them how to be humble without debasing themselves, and to know how to accept forgiveness and acceptance from both others and themselves.