Gratitude

I heard a quote the other day, not sure who was supposed to have said it but I appreciated it. "Gratitude is the parent of all other virtues."

 I don't know why I love that so much but I do. I do think gratitude is one of the best virtues, and the most therapeutic. For a long time, I was praying that I might regain an attitude of gratitude that I felt like I had lost. Gratitude is how I would describe the times in my life when I have been the most spiritual. I mean, that's the whole point right? Being grateful for everything Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have done for us? And truly feeling gratitude for something implies action on our part to express that gratitude.

What I have realized is that the one thing I truly feel grateful for is my husband. We've had some rough years. Or rather, mainly I've had some rough years and he's had to put up with me. And he's always put up with me. I wish I could truly describe the levels to which he has put up with me, but probably not something I can do as well as I would like. Although I'll give a few details.

Before we even got married, I explained to Michael that I can't budget. I can't keep track of every penny I spend and account for how I spent it. Thinking about money like that just gives me major anxiety. Even thinking about thinking about it gives me the heeby jeebies. I've always just regularly checked my bank account to make sure that I don't over spend. (And no, I don't want to hear any lectures or well intended suggestions/advice about this topic.) I know this isn't the best policy. And I'm not perfect, and I have room to grow in this area... especially because I tend to be a bit of a therapeutic shopper. It's always small things like chocolate/candy/pastries or cute crafty supplies for activities with kids, or books/toys/clothes for the kids... But I can tend to go overboard. It's a bit of a cycle I think because I buy something, then feel guilty/shame over spending money, and then I buy something else to provide therapy for the guilt of spending. If that makes sense. Anyway, Michael has always put up with this and has never hassled me, and it has been oh so much appreciated.

I appreciate that he has never made me feel bad about not being a great housewife. Really, I'm pretty good at making myself feel bad about it, so I wouldn't need the help anyway ;) But, he's never minded making the odd meal or cleaning the house, or doing laundry. And I've always been grateful that I've never had to feel like he loved me any less because of it. I like to think I have a plan to improve in this area, but time will tell I suppose.

Over the years I have struggled with my spirituality on varying levels at various times... and Michael seemed to intuitively know when to stop pushing. I was really grateful for that since from time to time it has been a sensitive subject. I'm starting to think that I might need more support in that area in order to start moving forward again, and I'm grateful to have him to seek that support.

Michael doesn't like to think about it, but when we were dating he would send me the CUTEST messages. Reasons why he loved me, things like that. Absolutely darling. Good thing I'm the first girl he dated, or some other girl might have snatched him! From time to time he still sends me this kind of thing via text, and its always very sweet.

He let me get a Christmas tree this year. I absolutely love our Christmas tree. Growing up we sometimes left our tree up until as late as June. We even started to collect decorations for other holidays like Valentine's. My mother says it's because she refused to take it down by herself, and nobody was willing to help. I can't speak for anyone else in my family, but personally, I just didn't want to help because I loved having it up. And I've always loved being able to talk about putting valentine's hearts on our Christmas tree! It's one of my favorite memories about my childhood. So, I'm grateful for my mother putting up with it and being such a good sport about it every year when we were younger. It always made me happy to have the tree as long as possible, and longer than most people think is possible ;)

Anyway, this is starting to feel a bit sappy. So I'll go ahead and stop. But I'm grateful that my husband gives me something to feel grateful for when gratitude can be a hard thing to find. He does his best to take care of me emotionally even though I've never been great at talking about my emotions with him. I've never had wine of course, but I believe what someone once told me, that marriage is like a fine wine, and gets better with age. We've got to work at it of course, but never the less, you get the idea. Love him! And love ya'll, for reading this far ;)
💖