Stigma

I've written a few blogs in the last week that haven't felt quite right to post. But I think this one will do the trick. Something I've been thinking about the last few days is stigma. I absolutely hate stigma! I've had a number of friends over the years not want to get a diagnosis because of the stigma attached to said diagnosis. That irks me, because I also know there can be great healing from receiving a diagnosis. It can mean that someone knows better how to help you, it can bring you better understanding of yourself. To be clear, it doesn't irk me that these friends don't want to receive a diagnosis--it irks me that our society has created and encouraged the stigma attached to those diagnosese that makes them uncomfortable! I've never really understood it most of my life though... I suppose I've never received a diagnosis with much stigma attached to it. But I also suppose that's partially why I don't openly share all the details of my life either. Because there is stigma attached to much of who I am, or what I struggle with, and it won't help me to know that someone judges me for it.

This weekend, my therapist recommended that I begin attending an addiction recovery group, and gave me an informal diagnosis of sorts. Receiving this suggestion and diagnosis has suddenly made me very well aware of how my friends have felt wanting to avoid stigma. It's something I am not likely to often share which makes me a tad sad because at the same time it has provided me with the ability to analyze myself in a new way and make me feel closer to healing. And the only reason I feel comfortable sharing this information here, is because I am fully aware of the fact that the only people who read this blog, besides when I post things to Facebook, are people who love me, whom I trust...not that it doesn't still make me feel vulnerable but sometimes that's okay.

Even when my therapist first began to suggest the group, I knew it might be helpful, but at the same time, didn't want to go for fear of the assumptions people would make upon learning or witnessing my attendance to such a meeting. I know full well that substance abuse and pornography are considered two of the most obvious reasons someone might go, which, for me, are not the reason why I'm going. For me, it's more... a way of thinking that I am clinging to, and the atonement is the best way for me to let go... and the LDS addiction recovery program focuses a lot on the atonement. So, it will help provide me with some structure with which to study the atonement, let go of things, and return Christ to his proper position in my life. I've been feeling like I needed to study the atonement but didn't know where to begin, so this suggestion felt like an answer to a silent prayer. Utilizing the atonement to get closer to Christ feels like the best way to feel understood. People have always told me that Christ has experienced all, and is therefore the only one who can truly understand how we feel. Which I've always understood, but never really felt able to utilize. So, that is the hope in attending ARP. And, in attending ARP, I hope to be able to let go of certain things that cause me to hate myself.

Of course, there's always more to the story... but anyway... I've been grateful for the support from people who love me. I know that people who love you are capable of letting go of stigma in order to support those they love. And that, is a blessing indeed.